


Caring for Carers

by marsoupeel



Category: The Ultimate Sidemen
Genre: Autism Spectrum, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2019-03-27 21:33:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 27,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13889562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marsoupeel/pseuds/marsoupeel
Summary: Being House Manager at a Residential Home for autistic children isn't easy, as Josh can tell you first hand.However, the new social worker guy who's coming in just might be able to lift some of that weight from his shoulders.(Chapter 16 ends the actual story, one shots follow on after.)





	1. Reading Through

Josh audibly sighs, placing his elbows on the desk and coming to rest his head in the palms of his waiting hands. Paperwork surrounds him in daunting piles, and he knows he's going to be pulling an all-nighter trying to organise this. Just as well, really, seeing as once the kids moved in, tonight would be his turn on waking night. He might as well get his body clock into sync early. He stands, stretching, his back clicking aloud and walks over to switch on the main light in the tiny office space provided for the staff in the house. After having been promoted to House Manager at a new residential property being opened by the 'special needs' school he works for, The Yew Tree, he knows he's got his work cut out.

"Come on, Josh," he mutters into the peaceful quiet of the office, "you're already getting stressed and none of the kids have even moved in yet."

He decides he might feel more at ease sat in a slightly more comfortable environment, so he carries the case files of each child into the living room area, as well as a notepad and pen to take brief notes concerning how best to handle the child and assist them in achieving their full potential. Dumping the files on the table and getting himself comfortable, he picks up the top file and opens it up. 'Ethan Payne' is neatly scrawled across the front of the envelope. According to the file, he is 16 years old. Details of his past lie below, Josh circling the factors he deems to be most important in the conduct of caring for him. 'Close relationship with mother', he writes, 'enjoys music, tickles and food'. Josh smiles at that, his favourite part of filing the cases back when he worked as a receptionist at the school was reading through the enjoyments each child had, and seeing that they were normal, as well as the comments from doting parents. However, as Josh knows as well as anyone in the career, every sweet thing comes with a bitter aftertaste. Underneath these positive notes, 'Prozac', 'occasional violent outbursts' and 'OCD + depression' splay harshly across the lined paper in their blotchy red biro ink. His heart sinks as he reads further, seeing Ethan's mother's plight at having to put her son in a residential home, but realising it is in the best of interests for both of them. Pictures of bruises mother had gained from son in 'mentally absent rampage' follow, and Josh has to compose himself. After all, he knew what he was getting himself into when he started volunteering at the school in his gap year, before they offered him a working position and the opportunity to train as a professional carer. Everything seemed to fall into place, so he never did go on to university.

Once again letting his eyes return to Ethan's profile, he notes that under the use of medication Ethan was the same, happy-go-lucky child he had always been. At present, the establishment where Ethan has been sectioned are slowly weaning him off of Prozac, due to its addictive nature, so that by the time Ethan moves in, he'll be on more manageable antidepressants. It's quite interesting, to be honest. A child on the same end of the spectrum as Ethan is not usually mentally capable of having a breakdown, usually only the higher functioning individuals are capable of such, so there's a morbid sliver of hope that Ethan could potentially mentally progress further than was expected of him. Josh starts to mentally plot a rota that could be incorporated so that Ethan would be able to learn more. Apparently he's sneaky though, and knows how to get out of what he doesn't want to do, often using the toilet as an excuse. He also likes to go to the toilet if he's bored, his notes read. Josh feels like Ethan's got the right idea. He entertains the idea of doing that in the middle of meetings at the school, the pointless ones that don't concern the kids.

Josh's eyes continue to scan and mull over the words on the page in front of him, coming to rest on one particular sentence. 'Should a member of staff be attacked by another child, Ethan will usually step in the middle, and if felt necessary will hurt the other child'. He takes a deep breath and takes note of this. Finally, he reaches the social worker's notes, and he's actually surprised. Usually, social workers are incompetent in his opinion, never writing enough or caring about their cases, only about the pay they receive, but he can feel that this particular one is different. His first clue is the neat handwriting that occasionally slips up. It's obvious that the hand writing was trying to be neat and legible and prevent itself from descending into a spidery scrawl across the page, and Josh appreciates that. Legible handwriting in official notes is a fantastic start, because nothing is misinterpreted. In meetings concerning the child that most of the social workers don't bother turning up to, being able to understand what they've written is essential to helping the child get the best that they can. Josh appreciates the effort wholeheartedly, and the notes they've made are extensive and useful, which makes him like this person even more.

It feels like they actually care.

He flips through the sheets of paper to the penultimate page of Ethan's file to find out the name of this social worker, seeing as he doesn't recognise their handwriting or writing technique (once again, he'll always be grateful for his brief time spent as a receptionist), so he knows it's not Jenny or Chris. Simon Minter.

The gentle silence of the room is broken by Josh's tongue clicking. That name is familiar, and he isn't entirely sure why. He's fairly sure he's not interacted with a man of that name beforehand, so he's not quite sure as to why it rings a bell. Allowing his mind to dismiss the thought, Josh moves on, knowing it'll either come to him or he'll forget about it completely. It's only when he's composing an email to send to Ethan's mother, CC-ing Simon, Ethan's soon-to-be teacher Adam and the school's general email account, the former occurs.

Simon's one of the new guys coming to work at the house. He's one of the few new members of staff for the school, and the only newbie destined for Josh's house. Josh can't help but wonder why a man with a Masters in social work intends to work below a House Manager who was trained on the job, but maybe as they develop a work acquaintanceship or friendship, which they'll have to, seeing as they're on shift at the same time most of the week, he can ask. The man seems intriguing, and he looks forward to getting to know him, alongside getting to know Ethan, the first kid to be living in House 4 of The Yew Tree Residential Homes for certain. He tidies away Ethan's file and produces the paperwork from the next one.

Vikram Barn.


	2. An Old Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow this has a lot of dialogue... I'm sorry?

Josh is very, very lucky concerning the temperament of the two boys that had been allocated his house thus far, he concludes upon reaching the end of Vikram's - sorry, Vik's report.

Vik is a far more 'able' child than Ethan, academically. He's able to speak, but chooses not to, unless entirely comfortable with the company he kept. He struggles more socially, in terms of communication with others and carrying out everyday tasks, such as cleaning, or things such as going to the shops, two things Ethan's more than capable of with a level of assistance.

It's hoped that by housing the two 16 year olds together, they'd be able to help each other develop, Ethan academically and Vik socially. Due to Ethan's oral dyspraxia and echolalia, he'll never be able to deliver entire coherent sentences, so Vik's use of Makaton due to his social anxiety could potentially help Ethan to have a voice of sorts, one that could say what he wanted directly, rather than repeating what he was asked. Vik is exactly the type of child who would eventually be pushed into supported living in adult life by the system, but fortunately there's 2 years before the transition into adult living would have to occur. Vik was also already at The Yew Tree, having lived in House 1 since the age of 10, when he joined the school. It was decided that he should move to experience the calmer, more domestic experience House 4 was going to attempt to provide for their children.

It was also decided that Vik would be allowed to carry his own set of keys to House 4, attached to the loop of his jeans. He likes the sound keys make when he walks, the jangling soothing him when stressed and in public - though of course he would never go anywhere outside unaccompanied. The keys help to prevent Vik from stimming too loudly and drawing attention to himself, something he absolutely hates. When he moves in, Vik will also be doing work experience at the local train station, something can't help but Josh find adorable, for reasons unbeknownst to him.

In contrast to Ethan, Vik's family want nothing to do with him, so of course, Josh sets his mind into action regarding upcoming holidays already. He knows all too well what it feels like to be estranged on holidays like Christmas, and he doesn't want a kid like Vik, with all that potential to burn out. It feels bad to say it, but it would almost be easier for Ethan to be the one the family wants nothing to do with - he's seen it happen often enough. Vik's got the disadvantage of understanding everything his family says, without having the ability to respond and defend himself. Well, he has the ability to but he can't communicate it.

Josh decides that this Christmas, they're all going to give Vik that loving family he's never had, if it's the last thing he does. However, there's time to think of the logistics of that later.

He gets up and puts Ethan and Vik's files into the cabinet in the office, pulling out the blue-tac to stick their meds times above it, moving out into the hallway to pin both boys' activity planners to the wall. He feels at least a little more settled, knowing that something important had been achieved, and stands gazing softly at the wall, wondering what is to come. A doorbell ringing pulls him from his thoughts, and he turns to answer it, swiping his card against the scanner so the unlocking of the door is authorised. Swinging the door open, he is brought face to face with his childhood best friend, and fellow carer Tobi.

"Hey man", Tobi greets, moving into the house as Josh shuts the door behind him, nodding in acknowledgement of him.

"As much as I'd love to chat, we've both got stuff to be getting on with right now. Maybe after?" Josh inquires, head thrown over his shoulder to look at his friend whilst walking in the direction of the office.

"Sounds good to me."

"Right, okay, so you're a keyworker, yeah? I'm assigning you to Vik, because of your experience using Makaton and your knowledge of BSL. I also reckon the kid could do with someone he recognises from school when he first moves here, so that he settles more easily." Josh said, taking a seat in the chair nearest the window, gesturing Tobi to sit in the chair opposite him.

"Makes sense. I was one of the assistants in Vik's class for 2 years when he was around 13."

"Exactly. Also, word of warning re Ethan."

"Yeah?"

"He might remove your hat and start stroking your hair, apparently he loves hair like yours. He also likes to pat people's heads, so there's that."

"I'll keep that in mind... I'm not particularly fussed by it though. Would he have issues with me wearing a hat indoors?"

"I don't think so, but we'll have to see when he moves in."

"Fair enough. Mind me asking who his keyworker is?"

"Guy called Simon. Simon Minter, also the social worker for both the boys - very good at what he does, from the records."

"Oh, I think I saw him at the school a couple days ago. Blond guy, hair vaguely looks like an iced gem?"

"What?"

"What? He's got like the top of it dyed blond and natural colour has grown through at the base," Tobi shrugged, "vanilla iced gem."

"It's a bit of a weird description, not gonna lie." Josh chuckles lightly, "anyway, I haven't actually met the guy yet. I'm supposed to meet him tomorrow, actually. Give him the rundown. Weird to be giving a fucking social worker the rundown though innit?" Josh shakes his head at his friend's description, of course Tobi would use a food neither of them had eaten in years to describe someone.

He kind of wanted some iced gems now, to be honest. He liked the blue ones the best as a kid.

"Yeah, I won't lie I was pretty surprised when you said it was him. You putting him with Ethan due to them both being new?"

"Yeah. Also, neither Ethan nor Simon is to be on one-to-one yet, so I'll be with them a lot of the time, and Vik has to go and do work experience at the station, so I was hoping you could do that with him? It's twice a week and both times are when you're in."

"Sounds fine by me. He's a good kid. Just needs a bit of encouragement and understanding."

Conversation then lulls for a while, both busy either filling in paperwork (Tobi) or preparing an authorised access card (Josh).

"Hey Tobi?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm going to need a picture of you for the board telling the kids and visitors who everyone is, and you moan about the school one too much, so can I get a picture of you?"

"..."

"Please."

"Fine. Where do you want me?"

"Just lean against the wall over there and smile for me, give that smile everyone loves." Josh teases, focusing his camera on Tobi's face, his shoulders slightly shaking with laughter as he takes in Tobi's awkward posture and uncomfortable smile.

"Flattery will get you nowhere, Joshua." Tobi smirks through his cheesy (more like forced) grin at the camera. He hates having his photo taken, but he knows it's necessary for the kids with more visual minds, who won't be able to read his name alone and remember what he looks like.

"Ah, that's where you're wrong. It got you to smile for me there."

"Fuck off, Josh."

Josh laughs and moves to finish off Tobi's card. Once that's done, he passes it to the man himself.

"Right, that's that done. Tomorrow I'll get the sign-in book properly set up after I've met Simon and given him his keycard. Then we can get into the swing of doing that. For a while, it'll only be us three with the two boys, because the school wants to see how we get on with the two of them before they find any more to move in. Anyway, the boys will be moving in next week, so things will really kick off from there." Josh's fingertips drum rapidly against his upper leg while listing off his tasks aloud, something he only tended to do when he was stressed. Tobi, having known the other man for a number of years, clocks this and attempted to calm him.

"Josh. You'll be fine. I'm glad you're my House Manager because you're not a dick. You won't slack, like so many others do and you care about these kids already without even having met one of them. You're empathetic and won't judge these kids for their past, but you're also logical and the school board love you. I know it's a big responsibility and you're nervous - I mean you're only 25 and you're a House Manager already! That's mad! Also you're not alone in this. You've got me, and from what you've said you've also most likely got Simon."

"Thanks mate. Really appreciate the analysis of my emotions - you're wasted not being a psychologist. Reckon you could pull off swanning round the school thinking you know so much more than everyone?"

Even though he may not have sounded it, Josh is grateful for Tobi's support. Hell, if it weren't for Tobi then Josh wouldn't have even found the volunteering position back when he'd just turned 19, fresh out of school and innocent to what the world was for other people. Tobi changed him, definitely for the better. The other man knows this as well, choosing to simply smirk.

"I've said it once and I'll say it again. Fuck off Josh."


	3. A First Meeting

The next morning, Josh wakes up with neck cramp, splayed in an uncomfortable position across the sofa, upon which he is half lying down, half sitting. He stands up, and feels that tingling pain sensation run up towards his neck, making him twist his head in different directions to try and ease the feeling, and it seems to work slightly, his hand moving upwards to massage the back of his neck.

So much for the all-nighter.

Peaking through into the office, it's clear that Tobi's had a little bit of a sort out and showed himself out while Josh slept, which he feels a bit guilty for. He's HM, and he can't even be trusted to stay awake to help one of his keyworkers assist in what is essentially his job. He'll apologise to Tobi the next time they see each other.

Josh moves through to the kitchen, thinking of which cupboards to dedicate to which foods, as well as which cupboard to put the child-lock on, to prevent Ethan from potentially eating something he shouldn't. It wasn't as though he was going to eat everything in site, but with things like bleach and detergent in a residential home, you can't be too safe.

Especially with an overqualified member of staff coming in, who could get you fired within minutes. 

Josh hadn't quite thought of that, Simon could be watching his every move within House 4, so he would have to be on his best behaviour at all times. That's not to say that he wasn't usually professional around the kids, it's just that if one of them hugs him, he likes to be able to hug back. Without parental consent to do so, he's going against company policy, and depending on how petty Simon is, he could be done for that. Part of him knows he's worrying over nothing, Simon seems nothing less than empathetic and understanding from his notes and the brief email-based correspondence the two have had, but it doesn't hurt to be nervous, considering Simon's qualifications.

Speaking of which, Josh glances at the clock and his eyes widen. It's 10:15. He's got to meet Simon in 45 minutes. That's not quite enough time to go home, get changed and get back here in time, so he's going to have to wash here, and wear the same clothes as yesterday. The concern over first impressions comes back stronger, due to the added time pressure now, but he's going to have to give Simon his all, to make up for his failed all-nighter. Time passes, simultaneously fast and slow for Josh in his frantic limbo, when at 10:59, he hears door bell ring. More than punctual, Josh likes that in a staff member.

With a deep intake of breath, Josh heaves himself up from his seat in the kitchen, where his leg has been hammering up and down like a jackdaw, he thinks. Snapping himself out of his inner monologue, Josh mentally sobers. He places his hand on the door handle, gripping firmly, and presses his pass against the scanner. He pulls the door open, and himself into his more openly jovial public persona. Trustworthy and approachable, with a hint of goofiness to it.

He's not quite sure what he expected, to be honest. A slim bloke, taller than himself with blond hair smiles back at him, balancing folders and files in the crook of one arm, steadied against his hip, his other arm reaching forward, hand outstretched, to shake Josh's.

"Hey, I'm Simon, and I'm assuming you're Josh?" The man inquires, the movement of their arms causing the files to start to slip under his other arm.

"Yep, I am. You want a hand with those files?" Josh asks, reaching out to slide a few of the files away from Simon's hip so he can move to hold the ones still under his arm more solidly. "Damn things can be slippery if you try and walk with them like that. You end up with little marks all over your hips where they've dug in."

Simon laughs, "I take it you're experienced in that department, then?" There's a joking overtone to his voice, one that sets Josh mostly at ease, although he feels like he can sense a level of flirtation in Simon's tone, which is new. It's not entirely bad though. Only then does Josh's brain catches up with his previous statement, and he laughs.

"Just a bit. The office took a while to sort through, Tobi stopped by yesterday and we sorted through a lot of it, but there's still some we've got to do, mostly your social work stuff, but there's a lot of code of conduct I need to run through with you. I know you're probably more than aware as to what you've got to do, but you know as well as I do - protocol. Then I'd like to get to know the person I'm going to be in charge of a little bit better." Josh winks cheekily at Simon, a grin coming to the other man's face.

"Sounds good to me. Shall we head to the office?"

The two do just that, settling into their seats, and Josh is given further detail regarding Ethan, that hadn't been included in his report, which Simon had gained through conversations with Ethan's mother, who had insisted that all staff simply call her by her given name - Ruth.

"First of all, we need to give Ethan as much affection as he wants. If he initiates hugs, we are to reciprocate, because Ruth wants him in a home environment. She doesn't want him to be neglected of his cuddles when she's not around." Simon watches Josh let out a breath and a genuine smile creep its way onto his face, which in turn makes him smirk. He'd figured the guy was a softie. "She's also going to pick him up and take him out for the day most Saturdays, and take him home for Saturday once a month at present, maybe progressing up to once a fortnight, which is her ideal. I think that's all, on my end."

"Okay, well I'm glad she was so upfront about reciprocating hugs, it can take years for us to get parental consent for some of the kids. There's nothing worse than having a kid with their arms wrapped round your waist and knowing you can't hug them back, I swear. Anyway, Ethan. You wrote about him using PECs at the moment, yeah? Do you think Ruth would be willing to learn Makaton? We'd be teaching her son anyway, so it could be an easier way for them to communicate than by carrying round that little folder at all times if she wants to know what Ethan wants."

"She told me she'd be willing to do anything for her son."

"We need more parents like her, honestly. Anyway, that's one of the things we can work on when he's not at school. They'll be focusing on his education, mostly in life skills due to his mental capacity, so we get to do other things, like cooking and washing. We can also do trips out with him, and him and Vik together, but for now I think simple things like weekly shopping would be a good place to start." Josh states, an almost questioning intonation to his voice, wordlessly asking Simon if he wanted to contribute.  
At least, he hopes that subliminal message got across, and judging by Simon's response, it does.

"Hey, you said it yourself. You're in charge here. Nah, but joking aside I agree with you. The kid needs to get used to the world away from the priory hospital again. Simple things like that would be a good place to start. You're fine." Something in his reassurance makes Josh feel comfortable in talking to Simon.

"I'm sorry, I'm new at this, and I've got a social worker with a fucking Masters working under me. Which confuses me a bit, it's not like you need work experience or anything. You're already making a living off social work, why are you here as a keyworker too? If you don't mind me asking."

Simon looks up from where he's currently flipping through Josh's house notes, making eye contact with the other man before he speaks.

"I did my undergrad work experience at a special needs school up North, and honestly I missed it. The pay is shit, you know that as well as anyone, but you also know how rewarding the job is. Being a social worker, carers take the piss out of you, for justified reasons as well, most social workers I've met do the bare minimum, and I wanted to change that. And this way, I get to know some of my cases better, so I know what I'm fighting for when I have to. So I've got that motive to fight for them."

Josh's face breaks into a smile and he thinks for a moment, however his mouth betrays him and he speaks aloud.

"We'll get on just fine."

A lazy grin flits across Simon's face. He doesn't know Josh all that well yet, but there's time. With that time, he reckons, he and Josh could be a really good pair, platonic or not. Any attraction to Josh aside, Simon feels like their personalities would compliment each other, and he's already got the urge to get to know the other man more, but as he's already said, there's time.

"Yeah? Fancy heading out for a drink sometime?" Simon's not too sure where this flirty side of him has come from, he's not usually this forward, but it's a bit late to go back on it now. Anyway, he did mean it in a friendly way, they could go and get lunch, they had worked through until gone 2 o'clock.

"I work six days a week, Simon. I'm on sleeping night here on my day off because I have no social life outside Yew Tree, also, it's like-"Josh turns in his seat to look at the clock, "-2:30? Fuck no."

Simon doesn't take it badly, because Josh is laughing and there's a glint in his eye as he turns back to face him, and he knows Josh is right.

They'll get on just fine.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> david bowie's bulge in labyrinth is mental


	4. A Couple of Drinks

The rest of the afternoon was spent planning the first month of House 4's itinerary, and as expected, filling out more paperwork, considering the stuff can't be escaped. The pale sunlight that had previously cascaded through the windows, decorating various surfaces with delicate rainbow orbs had thinned, the rainbows splayed across the walls replaced by shadows, the room only illuminated by the faint orange trickle of the streetlight over the road, pulling both men out of their work.

Josh was amazed. He'd actually had a really good time with Simon, the two joking back and forth whilst still making progress, something he'd never been able to do so quickly with anyone before, maybe Tobi excluded.

He looks across the table at Simon, who returns the gaze, eyebrow raised.

"Have we really been working so long that it's already dark?" Josh ponders aloud, pulling his phone from his pocket, seeing the white numbers flash up on his screen, reading 21:27. His surprise must be written across his face, seeing as Simon questions him. "It's coming up half 9 already, can't quite believe that." Josh unfolds himself from his slouch in his chair, one that has gradually progressed while lost in his work and in ease of Simon's presence. He stands, shaking out the feeling of pins and needles in his left foot, Simon laughing lightly at his movement. He's dancing around the room on one leg, spinning in circles whilst shaking the other, until he accidentally hits his ankle on one of the table legs.

"Fuck, that hurt." Josh laughs, his eyes welling up as they do after sudden run-ins with pain, although for some reason he's not so focused on that, watching the figure swimming slightly in his brimmed line of vision, as he throws his head back and giggles in his chair.

The humour both of them find in Josh's misfortune is probably heightened by how tired they both are, and how hungry they both are. Once their giggling stops, Simon's stomach audibly rumbles, and they both fall in to a fit of hysterics once more. They actually do quieten down eventually. Being a recently opened residential place, you don't want to get on the bad side of the neighbours before the kids even move in. Get on the good side of the neighbours, even if they're insanely close-minded about anything that strays slightly from societal norms, like a kid being happy, being loud.

Josh finally gathers his bearings, mentally pulling himself together again. Making eye contact with Simon, he nearly loses it again, but manages to stutter something out.

"I know I turned down that drink earlier, but I'm really fucking hungry now. I'll take you up on it."

"I hope you don't swear like that round the kids, Joshua. I could have you fired."

"Piss off."

The two amicably walk down the road in the direction of the pub, having locked up the house on their way out, shoulders occasionally brushing against each other, conversation continuing to flow readily as they move.

If Simon whines about being cold frequently, just to see how Josh would react, no one has to know but him.

Reaching the pub, Josh holds the door for Simon out of common courtesy, having reached it first. Although the local pub is family-friendly, openly advertised as such, it is a Thursday night, coming up 10pm. There's a group of businessmen at the bar, drawing attention to themselves with their false bravado, trying to outshine each other, though Josh isn't really sure what it is they've got to compete over.

Whose wife is the most lonely, desperate to escape the utter boredom life under such a predictable person, maybe? Perhaps whose child feels the most resentment towards their absent father?

It's not like these guys have much more to live for than the three 'regulars'. The same old slog of everyday life, earning money, and little else.

That's why Josh is happy with his job. It definitely doesn't pay much - hell, as a sleeping night you can earn as little as £27 for a 9 hour shift at some places, but it's worth it. You're watching kids that so many people in society would have given up on long ago develop, imagine things once thought unachievable. It's breathtaking, and Josh knows he's accomplished more in his short life than half those men drinking their money away ever will. He realises how self-entitled that sounds, but it's true. Anyway, removing himself from his headspace, he and Simon order their food and take their drinks over to a quiet table in the corner, rickety chairs with faded seat cushion covers greeting them fondly.

As the night progresses, Josh's beers turn to soft drinks. He's getting older, and alcohol doesn't necessarily do it for him any more. Aside from the taste of those he enjoys, he doesn't find much point in it. He reckons he's probably more fun sober, in most people's eyes.

Simon's probably drunk a similar amount to him this evening, but is rather more worse for wear than Josh, giggling at everything said, although Josh is in a similar predicament in that sense, mostly due to Simon's antics. He's in that state of a light and enjoyable stomach-seated buzz, which Josh is grateful for. He'd hate to be stuck with an aggressive lightweight, especially one that could put his career on the line so easily.

After pub closing time, the two leave, alongside the rowdy stragglers of the businessmen, and the reserved alcoholics, who probably started out as a member of the former group.

Coming down the steps, Simon trips, Josh reaching out to steady him on his feet.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I think I just fell for you though" Simon snorts to himself, clearly finding the joke funnier than it actually was. In his addled state, he was a comedic genius. Josh shakes his head and rolls his eyes lightly.

"In the short time I've known you, that's the worst thing I've heard you say. I think that's, like, the worst it's going to get. Let's get you back to the house, before anyone else has to hear your shit jokes."

Simon pouts slightly, his lower lip protruding. He deliberately widens his eyes in a child-like manner, staring at Josh to the point of making him feel mildly uncomfortable.

"But what if I fall over again?"

Josh sighs in resignation, reaching out to loop Simon's arm through his.

"There. You happy now?"

"Very." Simon replies, pressing himself as close to Josh's side as he can, the two walking back towards the house in the brisk night air.

Once back at the house, Josh deposits Simon on the sofa, aware of his overplaying of his drunkenness. He walks into the kitchen and unlocks 'the drugs cupboard', searching for paracetamol. It's Tesco-branded paracetamol, seeing as neither Vik or Ethan are allergic to any of the components in it. It's cheaper than any other kind available, and if Josh has made one thing clear, it's how little money the caring industry has to go around.

He fills a glass with water and delivers both to Simon, who takes them willingly, after a look from Josh, warning him not to muck him about. After that, he finds a blanket, Simon making grabby-hands at it upon his return, reaching out to wrap it round himself.  
With it pulled over his head, flattening his hair slightly, Josh can't help but find him kind of cute.

Simon turns to him, and it's clear to see the tiredness taking over in his eyes, surprisingly quickly for one so full of life mere minutes earlier. He reaches out a hand from under the blanket, and tugs Josh's arm downwards, which the man was unprepared for, causing him to land awkwardly on the sofa next to Simon.

"What're y-", and before Josh can say any more, Simon is launching himself at him, and he's winded. Simon takes the opportunity to snuggle into Josh's side, lifting his arm over himself in the process, spreading a small portion of the blanket over Josh himself.  
"Night."

That's it. That's all Simon has to say about this. Thinking it through, there's nowhere else really comfortable to go and sleep, either in the sleeping night room or in the office, on a hard chair. He doesn't particularly want to disturb Simon either, who's currently settling himself into sleep on Josh's chest.

As the clock turns its minute hand to 12, signifying that it's 2 in the morning on a Friday, Josh briefly mutters one thing to himself before settling down to sleep.

"Fuck it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like short paragraphs lmao


	5. Ethan's First Day

When Saturday morning rolls around, Josh is nervously pacing in the hallway, Tobi and Simon both watching him, the former seated casually, legs slightly apart. Meanwhile, the latter leans against the doorframe to the kitchen, legs crossed at the ankles.

Just as Simon opens his mouth to speak, three sudden juddering knocks against the door, followed by the rattling of the door handle lead Josh to spring into action. He presses his pass lightly against the scanner and pulls the door open, to be confronted by a boy of medium-height and chubby cheeks that he really wants to squish, for whatever unknown reason. A few paces behind him stands another man, his hands lightly tucked into the pockets of his jeans, a smile quirking on one side of his face.

"Alright Cal?" Josh asks, acknowledging the dark haired man stood behind the child, who was currently clapping his hands together, making soft cooing noises to himself.

"Yeah, I'm good, man. Ethan's a pleasure to be around. Although, totally forgot to mention to you that to Ethan, I'm Callum. I'm his one-to-one in school Monday through Wednesday, and Airey's Thursday and Friday. Didn't want to confuse him too much. Sorry about that, mate."

Josh lets out a soft breath, indicative of his forgiveness of Cal's honest mistake. It's easily done, after all.

"Don't worry, mate, you're fine. You want to come in then?" He questions warmly, so as to attract Ethan's attention. He can't come off as too excitable immediately, or too standoffish, so he aims for a precarious balance, and appears to achieve it, as Ethan turns to look at him, making direct eye contact. That's new. He wasn't expecting that for a number of months, and he feels his heart glow with pride a little bit as Ethan bounces jovially through the front door. He motions for Cal to follow on through, and closes the door leisurely behind him, moving towards the living room, where everyone seems to have progressed to, leaving Josh alone in the hallway temporarily.

"Callum? How long are you feeling before you leave? Just so Ethan's got a familiar face while he gets used to the surroundings, and so he knows not to associate you with here too much." Josh calls out, carefully placing himself at the opposite end of the sofa Ethan has flung himself onto, so as not to make the boy feel like he has to move.

"Shall we give it half an hour?"

"Sounds good to me."

So the five of them sit in the living room, Ethan taking in his surroundings and getting to know who the people were. He's met Simon before, when he came to watch him back at his old house, to make sure he was a suitable candidate for House 4, scratching away with his leaky pen sat in the corner, while Ethan tried to watch his old DVDs of Thomas the Tank Engine. That was annoying, but Ethan has an inkling (sorry for the pun lmao) the guy wasn't to blame there, just his shoddy pen. Then, there's Tobi, the guy wearing the hat. He seems reserved, or at least just pretty quiet and relaxed. He's probably got great hair to touch, Ethan muses to himself. He'll have to try and steal his hat at some point, to see if his estimations are correct. Maybe he'll play up the affection with Tobi when they're all more comfortable.

Skipping over Callum, who he already knows from his brief time at the school, he comes to study a man who introduced himself earlier as Josh. His beard looks soft, or at least Ethan wants to know it's texture. He's got kind eyes, and a kind voice, but he's nervous, Ethan can tell. From their brief interactions thus far, Ethan knows the guy will treat him like an actual person, rather than a baby. The guy also isn't a pushover, like Simon probably will be, Ethan notices. He smiles to himself and giggles.

He can notice all of that about someone, but he can't speak properly, so people think he's a 'retard'. Ironic, really.

Ethan's pulled out of his world by Callum's floating voice telling him that he'll see him on Monday, and it dawns on the boy that he's bored. Seriously bored.

"'Beebies."

"Sorry Ethan?" Tobi questions, coming into the room from the kitchen. "Oh, CBeebies, right?"

Ethan makes his happy cooing noises, surprised he's not more anxious at being left alone in this house with two people he doesn't know, and one person he had a pretty bad first impression of.

What, Thomas is important to him, okay? You don't distract him from it unless it's for a good reason. It reminds him of being at home with his mum, snuggling up on the sofa with custard creams and a blanket in late November, before everything went wrong.

Brightly coloured animated trains start flashing up on the screen in front of him, from where Tobi has just turned the TV on, the numbers 1, 2 and 1 flashing briefly in the corner of the screen, indicating the arrival at the channel. Chuggington. The 'replacement' Thomas. It'll never be as good. Can't beat Ringo Starr's Liverpudlian accent and the absolute tune that was the theme song, but it's alright, Ethan supposes. He lets himself become immersed in the high-pitched squeaky voices of these trains, while the three other men talk quietly so as not to inconvenience him.

"I think I'm headed off now, guys, if that's alright with you. Taking Mum out for a meal, seeing as it's her birthday soon." Tobi stands, pulling up his jeans slightly as he does so, shaking his legs to rustle his jeans into place perfectly.

"Oh yeah, totally forgot that was coming up, wish her a good one from me." Josh smiles, thinking about the woman who supported him so much in his decision not to go on to university appreciatively.

"Will do. See you, Simon. Bye Ethan!" Tobi calls out, ready to see himself out.

"Bye Ethan." Tobi turns to look at the boy lying haphazardly on the sofa, feet close to Josh's legs, temporarily confused, but remembering Ethan's echolalia. His face clears and he leaves.

After an hour of CBeebies, and the thorough enjoyment of the ending credits for every show watched, Simon gets up to turn the TV off, while Josh tells Ethan that they're going out to buy food from Tesco to make dinner that evening. Guiding Ethan into the hall so that he can put his shoes on (velcro, not laces, Ethan can't do laces), anxious noises can be heard from him. He's not used to going anywhere with the two yet, but they've told him the reason and exactly where they're going, so he goes along with it and doesn't put up a fuss.

Josh slides into the driver's seat of the car, after having made sure Ethan is securely belted in, and checking the child-lock on his door. Meanwhile, Simon locks up the house, and walks over to fold himself into shotgun. They set off. Everything goes surprisingly according to plan, Ethan settling comfortably, laughing at Josh's funny voices, 'singing' along to the radio. Occasionally, Simon tells Josh to shut up, looking over at him, a warmth in his eyes. Josh, to his credit, never notices, not taking his eyes off the road.

It's his first trip in a car with Ethan. He'll be damned if he violates any codes of any sort today.

They arrive, and after letting Ethan out of the car, Simon and Josh stand near to him as he lets off steam, jumping and waving his arms about, happy 'eee' sounds flying from his mouth. After about 30 seconds, Simon holds out his arm to Ethan, who willingly takes it. They've got a number of lanes to cross to get through the car park, and Ethan can't be running on ahead. He wouldn't stop for cars, the driver might not stop, and Simon doesn't want to risk anything. Also, he's going to try and keep Ethan on his arm around the shop. If Ethan runs about, he'll be getting funny looks from judgemental people and making himself anxious. There's also the chance that he'll knock something off the shelf, and neither Simon or Josh wants to have to pay extra.

In the shop, everything goes as planned, potentially even better in Josh's opinion. He managed to get Ethan to give the money to the woman on the checkout, and accept the change. With prompting from Simon, Ethan also manages to get out a "thank you" to the lady, which could have been due to his echolalia, but even so, manners are manners. Even if he learns them by rote, he's still learning them, and Ruth was adamant about the importance of manners for her boy.

Upon arriving home, Josh and Ethan put the shopping away together, so as to familiarise Ethan with the cupboards, ready for when they try to cook together later.

The rest of the day goes off without a hitch, Simon and Ethan working on PECs together, and Ethan's recognition of numbers, because his last school didn't quite get that up to scratch. By 5pm, Ethan is able to categorise things in groups of up to 4. It's a start, at least, and Josh is proud of both of them. Watching Simon's face light up as Ethan gathers Jelly Babies into groups of 3 is heartwarming, and gets him nostalgic. He must've looked the same back when he started, or even now. You don't really lose that feeling.

Simon's eyes can't hide anything. He read his emotional state straight through them, can feel that sense of pride coursing through him, that feeling of attachment to the kid sat in front of him, who's already achieved so much in an afternoon. He can also see how much of a softie Simon is, that's clear in his eyes.

After Ethan's 4pm meds, and then 2 hours later the three of them eating, Josh leaves Simon and Ethan yet again to fill in more paperwork in the office, wishing Ethan an early goodnight. A couple of hours listening to occasional laughter from both Ethan and Simon pass, and Josh is reaching the end of his workload for the night. He hears Ethan and Simon tread up the stairs above him. It's 9 o'clock and bath time is clearly in order, suggested by the high-pitched giggles and splashing sounds that sound from above. Josh grins to himself, and goes to continue working when the phone rings. He picks up.

"Hello, Josh from House 4 at the Yew Tree speaking."

"Hi there, Josh. It's Ruth. I'm just wondering how my boy's first day at the house was? I figured it was around about bath time now, so someone would be able to talk."

"Unless we're out, we always should be able to talk to you, Ruth, should you need it. And you're right, Ethan got in the bath about 5 minutes ago." Josh laughs. "He's certainly happy about it."

"God, when he was little he could spend hours in the bath. He'd be in there so long it'd get cold sometimes. I'd be so worried I'd given my baby hypothermia or something, so I'd let him stay up late with me to watch TV with a blanket, so he'd be war- anyway, I'm rambling, what did you guys get up to today?"

"Well, after Ethan got here, we watched CBeebies for an hour or so, then we went out to Tesco to buy food to cook dinner with this evening. While we were there, Ethan gave the checkout woman the money, and put his hand out for change, without being prompted."

"He didn't! That's fantastic!"

"He was prompted to say 'thank you' to the woman, but did it readily all the same." Josh assured the excitable woman. "He and Simon also worked on PECs and numbers this afternoon, and he can now group things in up to groups of 4. Of course, we'll keep working on that, so it's not a one-off and he's actually learnt it."

"Thank you so much, honestly. And thank you for telling me what actually goes on. I really do appreciate it."

"I'm actually thinking of buying each kid in the house their own little notebook, where their worker for the day can note down what they've done, so everyone's got a record and doesn't do the same thing twice in a row. Think that'd work?"

"Josh, it sounds ideal. Might have a read of it when I'm allowed to pop round. How long until that again?"

"2 weeks, Ruth. Just so that he can get settled, and isn't expecting this to be a holiday home or something."

"Of course, of course. Anyway, I'd better let you go. Probably got a lot to do, paperwork and such, I imagine?"

Josh laughs, "you're already in the know, Ruth. Might offer you a job at this rate, even if I'm not technically in a position to employ people. Night, Ruth."

"Night, Josh."

He puts the phone down to be greeted by the sound of quietness, like that first night of paperwork here, the only difference being Simon's tall frame leaning against the door, watching him with a tired smile on his face, before standing fully, stretching his arms as much as he can without hitting the ceiling with his outstretched hands.

"Go to bed." Josh speaks in a hushed tone. "You're tired and it's been a long day. I'm on waking on Saturdays too. You're on sleeping. Might as well make the most of that."

"Yes Dad." Simon's sarcastic response has Josh rolling his eyes briefly before he speaks, reaching out to grip Simon's arm.

"I'm serious. Don't want to have to deal with your grumpy arse in the morning as well as Ethan's, judging by what Ruth's said on his records."

He lets go of Simon, watching the man as he turns to look at him, a zoned-out look crossing his face, his eyes lazy with tiredness. A brief smile flutters across his face as the two make eye contact. Simon then crosses the room, opening the door into the staff sleeping area, one muttered sentence tossed casually over his shoulder, causing Josh's eyes to roll further into his head than he thought possible.

"Please, you always want to deal with my arse."


	6. Insecurities

A fortnight slips by, each day peeling away like layers, moving seamlessly into the next. It's so quick Josh doesn't even feel it.

Time is weird, really. When you think about it, there's seconds gone by in which you'll never feel the same way you did back then. Your life is gradually shortening, and there's those precious moments you're never going to get back, and you're only using more of them to reminisce. It's strange looking at it, especially in retrospective.

Ethan's happily settled, and Simon is now fully capable of being on one-to-one, so Josh gets a bit more time to think, which isn't necessarily a good thing. He's been so used to throwing himself wholeheartedly into his work that being able to sit in his lonely flat on a Thursday feels daunting. It's a time his insecurities can get the better of him, a time his philosophical thoughts can take a turn for the worse and leave him detached from his own body, desperately clawing at any memories to bring himself back down to Earth. It doesn't always work.

He'd sign up to work overtime, or do another job around the school for a bit, but they won't let him. They always say he's there too much, he needs to get out there, make friends, find a girl who he can bring along to staff parties at Christmas (provided he's not working) and live the closest life to a picket fence one you can, when you're a carer. It's difficult to do that when you're terrified of the unknown, terrified of the inside of your head.

Josh exhales out of his nose, a recognition of the fact he sounds like some angst-ridden teenager right now, but, he muses, no one is going to read those thoughts of his. He flicks through the channels on TV, coming to rest on old reruns of Top Gear on Dave. Against his better judgement, he loads up Facebook on his phone and proceeds to scroll through. Fuck, if Josh was feeling low beforehand, it's probably not being helped by this. Girls he knew in school, pregnant or with young kids, guys he knew way back when with little ones too flash past his eyes. Wedding photos, graduations, shitty stolen memes with white borders and such thought-provoking captions as 'omg who did this' with laugh-crying emojis displayed oh-so artistically on either side of the obnoxious font chosen fly by too.

He's definitely not salty about the stolen memes.

Anyway, Josh's eyes come to rest on a recent update from Sarah, the music therapist at Yew Tree. Working in a special needs school in a bog-standard town in England doesn't exactly give you much time or expenses to branch out your music career, so she's taken to uploading her song covers on YouTube, posting a link on her Facebook. Josh smiles, she's a lovely girl, and deserves to make it. She's got the voice of an angel and the personality to match. She and Cal are also fucking adorable, although Cal has been reprimanded a number of times for 'inappropriate behaviour at work', but the guy is good at what he does, so everyone tries to cover his tracks, including Sarah, who can often be heard after hours as she packs up yelling at him jokingly that she "doesn't like PDA".

He recalls Sarah and Ethan's first meeting that happened a couple of days ago, while Ethan was at school. He had a therapy session with Sarah, and got rather attached to her fluffy pink coat and the sounds it made when he rubbed his face against it, of course, Sarah took no issue with this, supporting it, but Ethan didn't want to leave Sarah or her sensory overload of a coat by the end of the hour, so kicked up a bit of a fuss, one that was quickly diffused by cuddles (at Ruth's request) and promises of returning next week. Josh's heart warms slightly at the memory of Simon telling him this upon his and Ethan's arrival back at the house, his blue eyes shining and a lilt in his voice, as the two look fondly on at the boy as he gripped one of Josh's arms and used the other hand to lightly pat the man's face.

Double-tapping the centre button on his phone and swiping upwards to close Facebook, Josh puts his phone away in his pocket after glancing at the time. 8:48am. He's been up since 5. Not exactly the best way to spend your forced day off, but he's getting used to it. Maybe he could come up with a list of necessary things to do, tasks that would distract his mind from the silence that the fast-paced tune Jessica can't cover over successfully.

Cleaning? He doesn't think so. The flat is barely lived in enough to warrant much, and Josh in spite of himself is rather house proud, so there's no unnecessary tidying for him to do. Everything is in its rightful place, as much as it can be.

It's good his external surroundings are so organised, because his internal ones sure as hell aren't.

He could try and find a hobby, but what? He wouldn't have much time for it - only Thursdays, and he wouldn't want to go out at night, seeing as his shift starts at 7am on Friday, and he's a waking night on Fridays too, he needs to sleep somehow, even if that's difficult enough as it is. Heaving himself up, he goes and gets dressed, quickly grabbing the car keys off the coffee table, almost leaving before remembering to turn off the TV - at the wall, can't be wasting energy leaving it on standby, don't have the money for that - then moving swiftly down the stairs and out into the car park, into his car.

He's going to work.

Simon'll be there, as someone always has to stay at the house, should a child get ill and need to come home, so the house won't be alarmed when he arrives, which is a bonus, although he feels like Simon might have something to say about him showing up at the workplace on his day off.

Turning his key in the ignition, Josh pulls out of the space, and commences his drive, thinking.

It's pretty sad that he's become so co-dependent on his work. These kids and the community they've formed have become his only real social interactions, keeping his emotional state in check. The best thing about work is that there's always something happening, someone who's your responsibility. You have to put all those self-absorbed worries aside. As much as Josh hates calling his depression that, it's what it feels like when he's spending time with these kids. There's no time to focus on yourself, and for that he's glad. Maybe that's why he's become so obsessed with it.

Then, however, Simon came along and both helped him and shattered his routine. When he and Simon went out that night - at his own request, no less - that was the first time he'd had a night out in almost 6 years. The 19 year old that doesn't spend his life in bars and clubs, he got so much shit for that, back then. Turns out it's left him with a decent alcohol tolerance, though, unlike Simon, who had all those uni days to fall quicker into the slug of hangovers. Anyway, he continues his drive in the direction of House 4, his fingers drumming lightly on the steering wheel as he sits at a red light, thinking about work.

It's honestly the only thing that keeps him going at this point, the only thing that stops his mind from running in circles, so fast it forms a downward spiral through his body and into the Earth. He's said it before, but when he sees those kids make advances in life that people hadn't expected, when people gave up on them, it makes him feel alive. He loves each and every one of the kids he's encountered at that school, and would willingly die for them, without second thought. Sounds a bit drastic, but still, it's true. Pulling onto the driveway at House 4, which is currently ungated due to Ethan not being at home, Josh then reverses swiftly, his beat up car fitting in neatly beside Simon's slightly better condition model.

He gets out of the car and makes his way towards the house, producing his pass from his back pocket, swiping it to grant access, the door softly clicks open and Josh enters.

The first place he checks for Simon is in the kitchen, seeing as the man usually seems to have a preference for doing work in there. Maybe it's the easy access to food that appeals to him, or the close family atmosphere it provides. Josh loves it too, when the four people in the house - if all three carers are there - can all sit down together. For all he's alone, Josh loves the feeling of family, and togetherness. He's a believer in the idea that you can make your own family, and that's what he wants to do in his time as Manager of House 4.

For all that, Simon's not there, so he moves across the hallway and into the staff office, where he finds the man slumped over the desk, like he'd been so many days before, head in hands, one hand raising to run tirelessly through his hair, tugging at the strands. That's not the only thing it's tugging at though, Josh's heartstrings are feeling pretty affected.

He moves up behind Simon, and due to not wanting to be punched or something severe in reaction to Josh's presence, he whispers out a simple greeting.

"Hey."

Simon's hand stays knotted in his hair, and Josh moves over to him, curling his own hand lightly around the clenched fingers, gently prising them away, so as not to startle the other man or cause him any pain. Josh has done this too many times to count, now. The chair swivels around to face him, and the tears in Simon's honest blue eyes surprise him. Josh feels guilty, like he's violated something he shouldn't have. After all, he's come to the house at a time when Simon expected to be alone, and really, he's encroaching. He moves to let go of Simon's hand, but the other man is having none of it, twisting his palm to face Josh's, their hands interlinking. Pointedly, Josh ignores the pounding his heart has decided on, dismissing it as nerves over seeing Simon in such a state. He can't dismiss it as being that he hasn't held hands with anyone in a long time, platonic or not, because he holds Ethan's hand almost everyday. It's pretty much a part of making his living these days.

Josh crouches down in front of Simon, their hands still entwined on Simon's knee. He strokes his thumb lightly over the back side of the other's hand, before speaking softly, a reassuring, caring notion in his tone.

"Hey, you okay? I know it's a stupid question. I hate being asked it too." A frantic shake of the head, accompanied by wild eyes moving about drastically, blinking quickly gives him his answer. "Is there anything I can do?"

Simon quickly disentangles their hands, and like that night a month or so ago, in the living room of this very house, he flings himself at Josh, arms folding tightly around his shoulders, head coming to rest in the crook of his neck. After briefly freezing, Josh's arms snake around Simon's waist, one arm moving to lightly trace along his back, gentle coos and hushes cascading from his mouth, held close to Simon's ear. The man in his arms shakes slightly, and Josh holds him until he stops, maybe even beyond that, he can't really tell. All he knows is that Simon needs him right now, and helping those in need is practically his job title. Something serious must've happened to warrant this kind of response, but they'll deal with it. They'll deal with it when Simon's okay, and got his rational head back in place, however long that takes.

It's kind of strange to be holding a panic-ridden social worker in your arms at half 10 on a Thursday morning, but Josh reckons he could get used to it, minus the panic-ridden part. Also ideally not in the work place. This is the second time they've been inappropriately (he hates that word - it sounds dirty when neither time has been, fortunately and unfortunately, it's a double-edged sword) touching at work, the first being Simon's drunken slumber. At least Ethan hadn't been about, but Josh feels like the two have enough self-restraint and respect for their duty over Ethan to spend any time cuddling, which is basically what it's become, considering how long it's been going now.

Simon lifts his head, and Josh's neck feels a bit exposed now, considering it doesn't have the comforting warmth, albeit ticklish nature of Simon's breath lightly skating over it. What's interesting is that Simon makes no move to step away, his words ones of defeat.

"Some cases hit you hard, don't they? I don't know if I can do this much anymore, Josh."

They'll work through it together, Josh realises. Simon's just as terrified as he is, of fucking up, of letting these kids down, and letting each other down. But it's okay. Things will work out, especially if they work together.


	7. A Second Arrival

About a month later, they've gotten everything sorted. Josh had calmed Simon down, and they talked it through. The new case had a history of mental, physical, and suspected sexual abuse in previous homes on his record, and it had hit Simon hard. Understandably so, seeing as he'd never handled a case like it before, and it's arguably a big step up from what he's used to.

Though you never really do get used to the shit most of these wonderful kids have gone through.

Anyway, Josh lets his mind return to the more positive. Over the last month, Vik has been coming over to spend afternoons in the house alongside Ethan, just to make sure they're aware of each other and know who the other is when they live in the same house, and each time, it's gone better than he'd hoped, Vik already showing Ethan better table manners that they could work on with time. Vik's also already clocked Ethan's echolalia, and so when he wants Ethan to thank him, he'll sign 'Thanks Vik' using his given sign name to receive an actual thanks from the slightly younger boy, which seems to have gone down okay. They have also tolerated each other's television viewing interests, Vik's being a lot of history and scientific documentaries, which even Josh and Simon struggle to find entertainment in half the time, so who knows what Ethan sees in it. It seems, however, Vik is partial to CBeebies, and he's at least some level of fascinated by Teletubbies, in particular.

In short, the two should hypothetically be fine, living with one another.

But Josh knows as well as anyone that something working in theory is not always the case when it comes to reality, and they can only hope the two properly click. He's got a load of trips planned for the five of them. He really wants to take them on a trip to the beach for the day sometime, seeing as both boys have such a great love for the sea. Josh hates sand with a passion, but seeing the two boys happy would be completely worth it.

That's a while off yet though, seeing as Vik is only moving in today. Ethan's spending the night at home with Ruth, likely being spoilt rotten, and on a sugar high when he returns to the house tomorrow, but it's Simon's day with him, so he'll have to handle the repercussions. Josh is meant to be on paperwork, or helping out at school for a bit, seeing as the main receptionist is going on holiday tomorrow, but he knows he'll probably nip into school, pick up the needed files and head back to the house, just to ease his worried conscience about Vik and Ethan living together.

He's almost glad he's on waking night tomorrow, which will be their first night at home together. He can sit there and worry anxiously until sunrise, pale November sun leaking through the half-open blinds in the office, listening to Tobi's quiet snuffles from the staff sleeping area.

For now, he's got to keep himself calm and not get too involved. It's Tobi and Vik's time to bond properly today, and let Vik know where everything is. Of course, Josh'll be there, but he's going to have to keep his distance.

Fast forward a couple of hours and Vik has arrived, slightly confused, perhaps bordering on agitated at the fact he's here instead of over at House 2, his face clouding.

"Vik, buddy, you know last time I came to see you at House 2, yeah? I said you'd be moving in here on Friday, and you always know what day it is better than I do, so here we are. It's alright, you know Josh." Tobi both speaks aloud and signs to Vik, so that the boy has ample opportunity to compute what is being said, and truly consider it. Temporarily, his face clears before cocking slightly to the side, his hands coming to form the shape of an 'e', and Josh isn't sure how but the movement and the positioning of his hands is almost questioning. Body language never fails to amaze him, you can tell so much about someone from the way they stand, or the way they move their hands.

Tobi shakes his head gently in Vik's direction, his hands lifting once again to begin signing the important words alongside his speech.

"No, Vik, I'm sorry. Ethan is staying at home with his mum tonight, he'll be here tomorrow night though."

The disappointment in Vik's eyes is surprising, to say the least. Vik's usually known for appreciating his own space, and taking issue with the louder kids, or the physically affectionate ones. That same disappointment carries across in the way his hands are dragged upwards, for Tobi to be able to read.

The man laughs softly, before responding, "yeah, of course we can watch CBeebies. And, well, you'll have to ask the man himself, he's right here."

Josh feels a tap on his shoulder, having turned to inspect the wall, attempting to figure out what kind of display, picture or sign would look best where (they're still not fully set on décor, Simon gets a bit overenthusiastic sometimes and forgets about the importance of money, so trying to convince him to be more realistic is taking its toll on both Josh and Tobi). He turns around to face the boy, who stares eyes cast down to the floor, signing his question to Josh. The moment he's finished, his left hand returns to his belt loop, and fiddled with the key rings attached, his thumb running over the smooth back of a rubber Mickey Mouse face, clearly in attempt to remain calm. The taller man smiles, enthusiastically lifting his hands to sign.

"I'd love to."

So that's how Josh finds himself watching Teletubbies from one of Ethan's DVDs after CBeebies had finished, under a blanket next to Tobi, who has Vik gently nestled against one arm, dozing slightly. It's coming up half 8, and that's been one of his most enjoyable Friday nights in years.

It's kind of sad, when he thinks about it, but still. He wouldn't change it for the world, although he does kind of wish Ethan and Simon were here. Ethan would love the physical affection - he's often found himself sat on the sofa of an evening with his fingers running gently through Ethan's hair, while his other hand is being fiddled with by the boy. There's been occasions of Ethan rubbing his head lightly against Tobi's, loving his hair as much as Ruth claimed he would, or lightly pressing his forehead against Simon's, giggling into his face.

So as to follow etiquette, he tells Ruth about each interaction, and it's clear how happy it makes her to see her boy well, and enjoying life. She'd confided in him before that she's conflicted, because she wants him at home, but she knows she won't be able to keep him there forever, and this way he's more independent. As always, what's best for her son comes first. He wishes Vik's family felt the same way, but as he's said before, they'll be that family Vik never had, and tonight is an example of what's to come, he hopes. Although he does have to wonder how Vik might respond to Ethan's affection. It's clear the boy has already gained a certain level of appreciation for his laughing companion, and it's wonderful to see.

If he wants Simon here, snuggled up underneath his other arm, then that's staying purely locked up in his mind, seeing as overly affectionate behaviour in the workplace is rightfully frowned upon - due to the fact that you might neglect the kids in favour of one another, that's the school's reasoning, and it makes perfect sense, in Josh's eyes. He'd just really like that complete family vibe, and Simon's becoming a part of that for him, fast.

However, this night was supposed to be about Vik, not whatever he wants with Simon, and he'd say it's been a success, when Tobi gently nudges the boy awake as the DVD's ending credits roll endlessly up the screen - honestly, how many people worked on Teletubbies? There seems to be no end to them. Vik rubs his eyes lightly, before being guided up the stairs by Tobi to get him to bed, as the clock reads 10:30. If Vik doesn't get a good night's sleep, then he's not on form for the rest of the day, his signing gets sloppy and he struggles to communicate.

For a moment, Josh sits in the quiet of the living room before removing the DVD, putting it back onto normal channels, lowering the brightness of the TV, muting it and then pulling up the subtitles, ready for Tobi's long night ahead of him.  
The two pass as Josh goes to make his way into the staff sleeping area, and when they converse it's in whispered tones.

"Hey Josh, man, you okay?"

"Hm? Yeah, I'm good. Tired and a bit nervous about tomorrow night. First time the two lads sleep together under this roof, you know?"

"Yeah, I get you. But you've dealt with it before, when you used to cover over at other houses, so why is this any different for you? Other than the fact this is basically your house."

"It's dumb, it always is when I worry, Tobi. I'll be fine."

"You won't, though. I know you. Maybe ask Simon if he's good to stay tomorrow night with you. I mean I would stay awake, but I need my sleep, and you're clearly the more worried about Ethan and Vik kicking off, and Simon might relate to that. Can also give you another excuse to cuddle or whatever the hell it is you two have going on, instead of eye-fucking in front of these innocent kids."

"It's not like that!"

"Is it not? Sure seems like it," Tobi teases, watches Josh's face contort, and notes the barely restrained emotions hidden behind his eyes, as well as he can through the shadowed light cast from the living room into the hallway, he lets his voice soften, "Josh, it's been years since her. You're allowed."

"I know, I just don't want to let anyone down again."

Tobi would, in this moment, wrap his arm around Josh's shoulder if the guy wasn't so much taller, so instead he places a comforting hand on his back. He steers Josh towards the sleeping night room, and tells him to go to sleep.

Settling in front of the TV, he shakes his head, thinking about Josh. Why can't his friend accept that he's deserving of happiness, or that he and Simon are blatantly gay for one another, and they're allowed to be? Although he's known Josh for too long now, so he just leaves it be. Josh can figure it all out in his own time, or Simon can help him. Tobi's got no time for all this drama, but he does have time for old reruns on late night TV, so he settles in for the next 8 or 9 hours.


	8. Signing & DMCs

Josh wakes up at around 6:30, which is more than a decent night's sleep for him. He's actually feeling pretty refreshed, and walks through to the kitchen area, where he finds Tobi leaning against the counter, waiting for the kettle to boil. He's not entirely sure how that's comfortable, considering the edges of the drawer handles poke into his lower back, but Tobi looks content, so he's not one to judge.

"Morning, sleeping beauty. I would ask if you fancied tea or coffee, but seeing as you've never had either, I can't see you changing your mind today. How does a man doing three waking nights a week go without caffeine?"

"I don't. You know how much Dr Pepper I can consume."

Tobi exhales, a smile decorating his face, "yeah, I guess I forgot about that. Anyway, sleep okay?"

"Surprisingly, yeah. I'm not actually feeling as bad about Ethan coming home today."

"Got anything planned?" Tobi asks, catching the kettle before it starts making its loud, obnoxious whistles that could wake Vik up, beginning to pour the steaming water into his mug.

"I was thinking of maybe taking Vik to the park this afternoon. Ethan won't want to go out after having spent the weekend with his mum, although maybe he'll have to run off some energy. I'll ask Simon what he thinks when me and Vik are on our way out. The plan was to sort of show them that although they live together, they can do things together and on their own. Maybe the alone thing can wait though, we do need to start giving Ethan more choices. When we get back, I'm thinking of doing the weekly meeting thing. I reckon Saturday nights would be good for that."

"Makes sense. You want me round for the meeting? Or am I good to just go home? Message me whichever, I'll try my best to make it."

"Thanks man, but we should be good. I'll let you know the details of what the boys have decided on doing this week though."

"Fine by me. I'll probably head off at around 10? That way, Vik's awake to see me leave, and Simon will have arrived too, so he'll see us crossover."

"Fair enough." Josh moves to sit down at the kitchen table, the chair scraping lightly against the polished wooden floor. "On Wednesday when we're all in this week, you want to bring Vik to do the shopping with me and Ethan? Simon's got a shit-tonne of phone calls to make about one of his clients, so he asked me to cover him that day."

"No I didn't."

Josh and Tobi's heads turn towards the kitchen door, where their eyes find Simon, a smirk on his face and an eyebrow raised in Josh's direction.

"Okay, fine. I volunteered to."

"There we go. Hey Tobi. How was Vik yesterday?"

"Hey, man. Yeah, he was good. We watched CBeebies most of the day to be honest. Just wanted him to get a feel for the house, you know? I think Josh, you said you were gonna take him out today?" Josh nods, before Tobi turns his attention back to Simon. "Anyway, yeah, why're you here at this time? It's like 7, right?"

Simon looks over at the clock behind Tobi's head. "In my defence, it's quarter past."

"Like that's any better."

"Shut up, Josh. You're no better, Mr I-Show-Up-On-My-Day-Off. I'm just early."

"Hey, so was I. Just an entire day early."

"You're both idiots who need to get a life." Tobi rolls his eyes as he stands, scraping his chair lightly against the floor lightly. Their weird, unfunny yet somehow still flirty banter was pretty uncomfortable to witness, in his opinion. He makes a mental note to ask Sarah or Cal when he gets into school tomorrow, see if any of the school lot have noticed anything about Josh and Simon, so he can convince his brain it's not just him that's reading into it too much. Not just him hoping that his best mate can finally find some happiness outside the workplace, with someone who understands.

Anyway, he can hear Vik's gentle footsteps descending, accompanied by the louder jingling of the keys that are likely in his hands.

Getting dressed comes after breakfast, in Vik's world, so the keys have to be carried, because of course his pyjamas don't have any loops for him to put his keys.

He pushes open the door to the kitchen so as to greet Vik in the hallway, leaving Simon and Josh for a minute. Josh pats the seat next to him, opposite where Vik appears to have claimed as his seat, and Simon slides into (Josh's DMs I mean what) the chair Josh has gestured to. The moment he's seated, Josh turns to face him, a hand coming to rest on the side of Simon's chair, effectively blocking any escape path.

"Why're you actually here at this time? Your shift doesn't start until 9."

"Same reason you show up on your day off, I reckon. Couldn't sleep, didn't like the silence at my place. I probably enjoy your company too much as well, as well as Tobi and Ethan's. Hopefully Vik's too. Just a bit nervous for how him and Ethan'll get on, you know?"

"Oi. Worrying's my job. You're supposed to be in the know of all of this, mate. We'll take the boys out to the park together later, yeah? See them in action, then we can whip out the notebooks or whatever and talk about their interactions, make Ruth happy." Josh's hand moves to stroke lightly down Simon's shoulder, before coming to rest in his own lap, as Vik and Tobi enter.

Vik stiffens at the sighting of Simon. It's not that he doesn't know him, they've met a few times before, with Ethan, but the fact he'd arrived without Vik knowing. He likes to know everyone who goes in and out of the doors of the place he's living in, and at what times they do so.

Simon, to his credit, smiles at him apologetically. "Sorry, Vik. I got here about quarter of an hour before you woke up. I tried to be quiet so I wouldn't disturb you." Vik responds with the slightest of nods in Simon's direction, an acknowledgment that he's heard what's been said and of his apology.

The four of them eat, and Josh and Vik clear away after, Josh insisting that Simon's shift hadn't yet started, and thus banning him from doing anything work-wise. Simon pouts dramatically at Josh, the two of them putting on a show to humour Vik, who appreciates it, but can't find it in him to smile yet. He nudges Tobi, and is midway through signing to him that Josh and Simon are idiots, when he realises he doesn't know what Simon's sign name is. He's never had to use it before, so he's just going to have to improvise.

Having already crafted Josh's sign name with his hands, he simply repeats it, then lifts his left hand into a horizontally pointed finger underneath his chin, and runs it along twice (I can't remember the Makaton so I went for BSL - sorry guys) followed by a signing of 'idiots'. Vik watches Tobi's face cloud briefly, before his eyebrows raise and he laughs aloud, before quickly reassuring Vik that he wasn't laughing at him, signing back to him.

"Simon isn't Josh's boyfriend, Vik. Easy mistake to make though, I have a feeling he might be one day." He accentuates Simon's sign name, so that Vik is fully aware as how to refer to him.

That's another thing to consider, actually. Ethan doesn't actually have a sign name yet, and as is culture, a Deaf person has to create a sign name for a hearing person, so they'll have to spell his name out until someone develops a sign name for him.  
About 2 hours later, the doorbell rings, and Simon sprints for it, calling out behind him, "it's gone 9, Josh! You can't stop me!" He scans his pass and pulls the door open, only to be jumped on by Ethan, who is happily pulling at the toggles on his hoodie and giggling.

"Hey, Ethan! Did you have a good time at home with Mum? I bet she spoilt you rotten." Simon looks over at Ruth, who's got a slightly strained smile on her face, watching their interaction.

"I try not to! All he has to do is pull the puppy eyes on me and I'm a lost cause, boy's got his ol' mum wrapped round his finger. Oh, hi Josh." The man himself has emerged from the kitchen, to stand a short distance away from Simon and Ethan.

"Alright, Ruth?" He smiles openly at her, noticing her happiness wilting beneath the positive exterior she tries to maintain. "You need a word?"

"If that's okay, yes please."

"Of course it's okay, Ruth. Hey Ethan, should we go into the living room and say hi to Vik, so that Mum and Josh can have a chat?" Simon asks the boy still gently tapping his arms and fiddling with his hoodie.

"Say hi to Vik." He repeats, before going over to hug Ruth, as she holds her arms out to him, welcoming him into her embrace. He then turns and runs over to Simon, the two making their way into the living room.

Josh guides Ruth towards the office and motions for her to make herself comfortable, which she does.

"How was he?"

"Absolutely perfect. It was like my little boy was back with me all over again, like none of that ever happened. I - I love him so much, you know that." Josh nods, sympathetically. Ruth was a good woman, and a good mother. The situation just got too out of hand for anyone to handle.

"Well, I just, bringing him back here today has left me so conflicted. Of course, I know he loves me too, and loves being at home, but I know he's going to be happier here in the long run. And it's not that I don't trust you, I do, completely. You've helped my baby boy so much, it's just-"

"It feels like he's better off without you." Josh fills in where Ruth had cut herself off, nodding and trying to stop herself from crying.

"I feel like such an idiot for it, though. I know he loves me and I want him to be happy, which he is when he's here, and it makes me feel selfish and worthless at the same time..."

Josh pulls Ruth to her feet and wraps his arms around her, resting his head on top of hers. It may not be strictly company policy, but damn it Ruth is a woman who deserves protection and support, and House 4 is more than willing to provide it.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm stopping you right there, before you say anything else bad about yourself. You're a wonderful mother, never doubt that. You're not selfish for wanting to be there for your kid, actually, I'd say you're selfless for giving him the opportunity to be independent and live his life. Remember, you're there every step of the way. He won't forget you, or leave you behind."

After a couple of minutes of standing there, Ruth lets out a breath, followed by a subdued, yet clearly grateful "thank you, Josh."

He smiles, pulling away from her, opening the door to see her out of the house.

"No need to thank me, I'm only doing my job."


	9. Positives & Negatives

After seeing a now-smiling Ruth out of the house, Josh feels a sense of accomplishment. It feels as though he's done something right, meaningful, and there's no better feeling than that, especially on a day you thought was going to be terrible.

He walks into the living room to find his four boys watching CBeebies, which he's beginning to see will be a regular feature in the house.

Currently, Mr Tumble is laughing and doing something with a spotty yellow bag. Josh has never been entirely sure of what Mr Tumble's aims in life are, but then he figures he's thinking too deeply about a fictional character. Having said that, every carer that works with Makaton probably thinks too deeply about Justin Fletcher. He's a great man, who's introduced Makaton to an entire demographic of children who would have had no reason to know it otherwise. The man has helped make learning disabilities less abnormal to the mainstream media, as well as to kids.

Even if Mr Tumble as a character is sometimes unbearable.

Anyway, Josh distracts himself from his praise by looking at Ethan and Vik, who are currently sat with their shoulders pressed amicably against one another. Vik, who scarcely allows physical contact, and Ethan, who rarely stops seeking it have reached this medium standpoint, and Josh has got a good feeling about the rest of the day. Simon's mimicking the actions of Mr Tumble on screen, forming the Makaton sign for hat, by pulling clenched fists down over the top of his head, laughing as he does so.

"I like that one."

"I like the one for 'play'" is Tobi's response, "because you literally just make phone signs with your hands and wave them in front of you." He then demonstrates, Simon grinning and copying him. Vik decides to join in, and Ethan is left slightly confused. The three men in front of him are waving their hands around, and that's a language? He's seen Vik and Tobi use it a lot, and wonders if it could work for him.

It's hard, not being able to get the words out of his mouth. Each time he wants to, he can only bring out a phrase he knows how to say out loud, something he's learnt through hearing other people say over and over again. He feels trapped within his own mouth a lot of the time. Sometimes, he just wants to ask Josh if it's okay for him to have a biscuit. Hell, he wants to offer Josh a biscuit, any form of communication where he doesn't feel so useless and limited by his words would be ideal.

Watching Simon, Tobi and Vik sign together is entertaining, and to be honest the one that Tobi starts of, with the protruding thumbs and pinky fingers seems fun, so he lifts his hands to join in.

The first thing he notices are Simon's eyes widening, his mouth following swift in an open smile close behind. After that, it's Vik's eyes he notices. Ethan's always been able to look at other peoples' eyes without making eye contact. It's how he learnt to read people, and currently Vik is one of the most uplifting things he's ever read.

He's so proud, and happy that Ethan's managed to sign something. It may have been sloppy, not as fluid in execution as Vik's, but it's a start. Ethan honestly feels ecstatic, he's not dumb any more, and if he learns, he can communicate.

Beforehand, he was lazy. He's the first one to admit it. Why do more than necessary? But the opportunity to speak freely is so near to him that his past mentality is nearly thrown out of the window. He's going to watch what Vik does, and try and learn from him. Maybe the important things first, like 'biscuit' and 'cuddles', although Vik isn't very likely to sign the latter.

From out of the corner of his eye, Ethan sees Josh walk further into the room and look at him. He raises both hands in that same telephone shape slightly above his head, and shakes them lightly whilst moving them up and down. The others catch on slowly and join in, before Josh mutters one thing that makes Ethan feel like he's glowing.

"Congratulations, Ethan."  
~~~~  
At about 10:30, Tobi leaves, as he said he would, and Simon and Josh are left in Vik and Ethan's company.

After having hugged Tobi goodbye and closed the door behind him, Josh walks into the living room and flops haphazardly on the sofa next to Simon, his hand reaching out to 'slap' (rather, tap softly) at Simon's face. 

The man pulls an exaggerated act of being in pain, and proceeds to poke Josh in response, leading to the two being sat beside one another and occasionally poking each other in the side. It feels like Year 9 flirting all over again, to both of them, but they can't find it in them to stop or be ashamed of it.

Not when Ethan is giggling his heart out over their antics. Even Vik looks distantly amused, his eyes glazed over as per usual.  
~~~~  
A couple of hours pass, the four enjoying each other's company and attempting to incorporate sign language and Makaton in to as much of their communication as possible, so that Ethan can subtly pick up on the meaning of different signs. After that, it's time for lunch. The four of them sit at the table, Ethan sat opposite Vik (he doesn't seem to show preference for chairs as much as Vik does, which Josh is thankful for - if both wanted to sit in the same place, he's not sure what he'd do), watching him use a knife and fork.

Usually when they eat food that requires cutting, Josh or Simon will cut up Ethan's food before he starts, but when Simon went to cut his food up, he started making anxious noises, slapping at Simon's hands to move them away, which the man does, returning to his own food briefly. While he does so, he keeps a watchful eye on Ethan.

The boy picks up his knife and fork, watching Vik's methodical judgement carefully, and attempting to follow his instructions, cutting into his food, the first slice successful.

Once again, that feeling of accomplishment comes over him. He's done something by himself, the second thing in a day, really. It's all thanks to Vik, but the emotion he feels at being able to act on his own is too much.

So he starts stimming, his arms waving around happily, when everything comes crashing down.

He lets go of the knife, and it flies across the table at an angle that it skins along Josh's arm, grazing to the extent blood is drawn to the surface, before the knife clatters noisily to the floor. The man looks down at his arm, not even flinching, before he stands up quickly to reassure Ethan.

"Hey, buddy. It's okay, I'm fine. You didn't mean to. You're not in trouble. You're alright." A list of different comforting phrases spill from his mouth, frantically searching for the one that visibly calms the wailing boy.

"I'm not going to hurt you."

Ethan stops wailing, the tears in his eyes still prevalent, but it's clear Josh has found that phrase that'll calm him. It's pretty calming for Josh, and Simon too, who's currently trying to get Vik to continue eating - it's common knowledge that the kid hates conflict.

"Ethan, it's not your fault. Would you like to go outside, so you can run around? Or sit down and we can cut your food together?"

"Food."

"Cut food or outside?"

"Food." Ethan repeats his previous choice, so Josh is sure that's what he wants to do.

He pulls out Ethan's chair and slowly directs him towards it. It's clear that Ethan's still fragile, and worried he's hurt Josh, so gentle manoeuvres are needed. Once seated, Josh stands behind the chair and rests his hands over the top of Ethan's, positioning his (new) knife and fork in the boy's hands, moving them softly over Ethan's cooling food. Luckily the palaver wasn't long enough to turn the food stone cold, Josh thinks, and Ethan isn't particularly fussy when it comes to temperature.

Josh's arm hadn't even properly bled, it just brought a red scratch to the surface, but he still had to be logged into the system.

It's the kind of thing you expect when you sign up for the job, but they've still got to take every caution, especially seeing as Simon is still the newbie at Yew Tree, and schools can be funny about that sort of thing. He's also got to let Ruth know later, which he's dreading. Although, he's had a few positives throughout the day to lessen that blow, like Ethan's first Makaton signing, and the cutting food without help, even if it was one slice. It's a start, which is what they're looking for.

They finish eating in relative silence, Ethan's strained 'eee' sounds still high in his throat between mouthfuls, before he turns to look at Josh, who nods to signify that he can leave the table. The boy looks at Josh for a moment, before moving to wrap his arms around the House Manager's waist, sniffling lightly into his shoulder.

Josh wraps his arms around the boy in return, making relieved eye contact with Simon over Ethan's head. Even if Simon is Ethan's key worker, Josh has a bond with the kid, and to lose it over something so small would be heartbreaking for everyone.  
Pulling away from Josh, Ethan lifts one hand to tap a cupped hand against his curved elbow. The man smiles, wholly and genuinely.

"Yeah, we can have a biscuit, Ethan."


	10. A Day Out

After the fiasco at lunch, the four decide to head out to the park. Ethan's back to a happier state, having received lots of cuddles and reassurances from Josh, so there's no animosity between them.

Not that Josh would ever be able to hold anything against Ethan. The kid is wonderful, and it was an accident. Ethan's got a habit of blaming himself though, and being worried that he's going to be punished. You can only wonder what he experienced while he was sectioned that led to him believing that, Josh thinks briefly, but he doesn't want to let his mind dwell on it. Although it is pretty important, there's more important things for him to do, like helping Ethan realise none of what happened was his fault, and giving him the opportunity for a happier life.

It's a bit cringeworthy, but Josh can't find it in himself to care. Not when he feels like he's on the mend. Normally, SAD is a complete bitch during the late autumn days, pulling him down too far.

All the way to the ground, like the leaves. Sometimes he feels like he's withering up and dying too.

This year though, it's been different. Tobi has always been there, stopping him from doing anything he'll regret. So have the kids at the school, because if he's honest, they were the only thing worth living for at his lowest points. But this year, the new faces and new relationships, the lessening sun and the burnt ambers and the pastel grey days have given him a new lease of life, one that he's grateful for. At least, that's what Josh is thinking as he trudges through the park, Ethan on one arm while Simon and Vik walk slightly ahead, sticking to the muddied path, moving cautiously towards the play area, Simon holding open the gate for everyone once he's reached it.

Before the two let either of the boys go and play, Josh quickly checks any and all equipment for needles - you can't be too careful these days, particularly when caring for two lads uneducated in that department. After deeming it safe, Josh returns to the trio.

"Okay, off you go then."

Ethan runs off, his arms flapping happily at around his shoulder height, in the direction of the swings. Vik follows, a bemused expression on his face. He enjoys sitting on the swing and thinking, his feet rocking him gently by circling his ankles, so that he doesn't leave the ground.

Vik likes being grounded, but Ethan's enthusiasm is infectious, so he hesitantly seats himself beside the bigger boy, who giggles to himself, eyes clouded slightly, as if he's reminiscing.

He's probably thinking about his mum, Vik speculates, watching the wistful look in the other's eyes fade into... is that guilt? Vik's heart sinks. He gets it. You love your mum beyond belief, but you're having a great time without her.

It's just a shame his own mother doesn't love him.

That doesn't stop him from loving her, though.  
~~~~  
Simon makes his way over to a bench, Josh a few steps behind, having made sure both boys are safely on the swings. As he sits down, he yelps, making the bearded man laugh.

"What? It's flipping freezing!"

"Aw, baby." Simon pointedly ignores the way his heart flutters at that. "Maybe you should get a longer coat, then you can sit on the end."

"I'll sit on you in a minute."

"What happens if I don't sit down?"

Simon pauses, "that might ruin my plan a little bit."

Josh laughs, and proceeds to sit down next to Simon. Even through his thick coat, the coldness of the bench really is noticeable.

"Fuck me, that is cold."

"Told you. My arse might actually go numb sitting here."

"Need me to warm it up for you?" Josh suggestively wiggles his eyebrows, bursting out laughing at the pure disgust on Simon's face.

"That was the worst pick-up line I've ever heard."

"You loved it, don't lie. You'll be using it on all the lads and lasses from now on."

"The ones I want to leave me alone, yeah."

"Bit mean."

"What's mean is that you haven't offered me your coat to warm up."

"For fuck's sake." With that, Josh unbuttons the bottom half of his coat, proceeding to spread his legs apart, the inside of his coat revealing its lining between his jean-clad legs, trying to ignore his heart going a mile a minute. "Come on, then. Take a seat, just so you shut up."

"Joshua, you're manspreading. I'm honestly so triggered right now." Simon states melodramatically, lifting a hand to shield his eyes. Josh rolls his, and with that Simon bites his lip and wedges himself into the space between Josh's legs, which is nice and warm to say the least.

Josh's arms encircle Simon, seeing as leaving them at his sides would almost look strange, even though he has a fully grown man in his lap in a local park, so anything really can seem strange after that.

The two watch Ethan and Vik, noting the latter's reserved yet easily readable emotions regarding the former. It's quite cute, seeing Vik take on this teaching role, that's arguably a bit maternal. Simon and Josh are comfortable in how they're getting on, and it feels like it's going to be okay.

That is, until Josh raises a fair point.

"You know, when your arse has warmed up, you're going to get pins and needles in it. You'll have to move, because I'm not really feeling a weird lap dance in the middle of a kids playground."

"Fuck off, Josh."  
~~~~  
When they get home, it's coming up 6pm. They took both boys' 4 o'clock meds to the park, along with drinks, so that they could stay out a bit longer. Ethan did start getting a bit agitated at around ten to four, but then after the dosage had kicked in at around quarter past, he was fine. Prozac is on his nighttime dosage, at 10pm, because it knocks him out like a light.

Food that night goes off without a hitch, no minor casualties like lunch had provided, which everyone present is thankful for.

Simon and Ethan work on Ethan's number skills again, and it's clear to see that he remembers everything he's been taught previously. The boy has a good memory, and seeing it in action feels great for everyone involved.

Especially Vik, who Ethan awards with a Jellybaby each time he gets one right. Vik hasn't done anything, Ethan's been doing the counting, but he's definitely not complaining.

I mean, not when a lovely, caring guy is offering you Jellybabies, and your favourite ones at that - the yellow and orange ones! Vik's not stupid, and he likes his sweets, even if he does like the weird ones nobody wants at the end of the packet. Although Ethan's already picked up on that, so Vik's got a feeling they're going to be great friends.

Vik's still thinking about that, when he trudges off up the stairs to bed at 9:30. He's not going to sleep, no, that probably isn't going to come until the early morning comes, the constant comforting black melting into navy and cool blues that will eventually fade into the daylight. Vik just likes his own company, and spending time in his room alone is the best way to get that.

He's told Josh and Simon about that, it's just that Ethan wouldn't properly understand, Josh had said. It was possible he could feel like Vik was abandoning him, or avoiding him, so letting Ethan know that Vik was going to bed was easier for everyone.  
Besides, it wasn't lying. They hadn't said he was going to sleep, he thinks as he lies on his back on his bed, arms tucked neatly by his sides. Vik stares at the ceiling, his eyes becoming unfocused as he allows himself to lose himself in his thoughts, his hand absentmindedly brushing against the fabric of his duvet cover, which keeps him at least some level of grounded.

Vik thinks of the park earlier, and how much fun he had. How much fun Ethan had, swinging companionably side by side, Ethan giggling audibly, his eyes shining with mirth. Vik's not too sure what he must've looked like, since he can't exactly see his own face, he thinks, but he reckons he must've shown some outward signs of happiness. People have often said he's got expressive eyes, so maybe they did something. He knows how he feels on the inside, it's just on the outside he's not sure how to best express those feelings. It's just not natural.

What is natural, however, is Simon and Josh's chemistry, Vik's brain tangents, but these are the times he allows it to. He feels like he's known them for years, known their relationship for years, and he's still surprised that Tobi said they weren't a couple.  
Maybe they've got the same issue with outward expression that he's got.

Their actions today seemed to speak otherwise though, Vik thinks. Simon was quite literally sat on Josh's lap at the park, so there was no issue of physical intimacy, but maybe there's underlying emotional issues, he concludes.

There usually are. Neurotypicals are weird sometimes with their romantic stuff. It's all so overly complicated, too much for Vik.

Simon and Josh keep flirting all the time, but it's never serious. It's always within a veiled joke, or weird signs of affection. For instance, on the walk back to the house Simon picked up a bunch of leaves from the ground and threw them at Josh, which was weird, but apparently Simon got what he wanted, considering his dopey grin after Josh turned around and lightly smacked his arm before returning to Vik.

As Vik said earlier, it's all too much and doesn't make much sense, so he allows himself the liberty of not thinking, just listening to the sounds from Ethan's room next door. In the time between Vik starting and ending his contemplation period, one of the guys must have put Ethan to bed, as Vik can hear him cooing and 'eee'ing softly through the wall. It's oddly comforting, to not have complete silence, and Vik allows his eyes to close. He thinks he's going to like it here.

It's the first time he's gotten to sleep before 4am in 8 years.  
~~~~  
"Hey Ruth. Sorry to call at 9:30, I know it's late-ish, but I figured you'd be about."

"Oh, hi Josh! I wasn't expecting to hear from you tonight, seeing as I brought Ethan back this morning. Everything okay?"

"Everything is fine, Ruth, but by protocol I have to let you know this. We'll start with a positive. Ethan used his first bit of Makaton today! He signed 'to play', copying Vik and Tobi, and kept doing it most of today. He even signed for a biscuit this afternoon, without needing prompting. He'd clearly seen someone do it and figured out what it meant."

Ruth gasps. "He didn't! My little boy has come on so much with you, Josh. Thank you so much for letting me know. But I have a feeling that's not all. You mentioned protocol - did he hurt someone?"

"Accidentally. He was watching Vik cut up his food and wanted to do the same himself. He managed it for the first bit, but got a bit excited that he'd managed it, so stimmed and let go of the knife. It skimmed my hand and scratched it a little. Nothing major, I just have to let you know."

"Of course, I understand. Was Vik okay after it? Was he okay?"

"Vik was a little shook up, and Ethan was panicking. He was worried I was going to do something, I believe. He only calmed down when I said that I wouldn't hurt him. Do you reckon that's something that happened while he was sectioned?"

"It could be. Please try and figure it out, should it happen again. Anyway, I'll let you get to your night. Thank you for letting me know Josh, again."

"Always, Ruth. Goodnight."

"Night." Josh puts the phone down and heads into the living room, where Simon's currently slouched on the sofa.

He throws himself down onto the sofa next to him, and throws his head back against it, letting out a quiet sigh as he does so.

"What's up with you?" Is the question from Simon, who is watching him, as Josh finds out when he turns his head to face the voice.

"Long day, innit? Vik and Ethan have only been in the house together one day and it feels like they've been together years. We've had a pretty eventful day too, so I think I'm allowed to be tired."

"Yeah."

Silence overcomes the two, but it isn't uncomfortable, as they half-watch whatever late night show is on TV in front of them, the subtitles illegible to their bleary eyes.

Josh is the first to fall asleep, his head coming to rest on Simon's shoulder, startling the other man, who was in a state of a half-awake comatose previous. He tries not to make his shock evident, not wanting to wake the other man.

It's clear he doesn't get the sleep he needs most of the time.

Having said that, Simon's equally tired, and maybe how he justifies his next move, which is to interlock his and Josh's hands, the warmth comforting. His breathing hitches, as an asleep Josh strokes his thumb lightly along the back of his hand. He doesn't want to admit that he's falling for this adorable idiot, who's got no self-esteem but a heart of absolute gold.

It's not that Josh is a guy, fuck no. It's 2017. It's just that he doesn't feel like he's known him long enough to warrant feeling the way he does, and it scares him. But the feeling of Josh's hand intwined with his has got that fear thrown aside temporarily, in favour of sleep and comfort.

Simon's mind fades to black, and there's only one phrase running through his mind as he succumbs to the welcoming dark.

It's going to be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short sentences and dialogue make me nut.
> 
> okay so I'm updating 3 chapters at a time, because otherwise I'll burn out completely, and not finish posting them all. sorry for that, but that's why there was a bit of a delay. these things happen lmao


	11. Making Plans

It's 2 minutes past 8 on a Monday morning, when Tobi throws open the door to the staff room at The Yew Tree, having parked neatly in his usual bay exactly 9 minutes earlier. There's still 58 minutes until the kids have to be in school, giving him time to help get Sarah set up with her instruments in the sensory room. After that, he'll find his way to classroom 3A, the one he's been designated to help out in today.

For a man working in an ever-changing profession, he sure tries to run his life as close to clockwork as he can.

Although this morning, his plans may be a little waylaid, as he finds Sarah deep in conversation with the two Cals, a flask held between gloved fingers as she shivers lightly. The school's heating has been dodgy for ages, and no matter what the caretaker does, it still takes an age to warm up. Apparently, Jeff's been coming in at 5 to turn on the heating, so it's sufficiently warm enough by 8:30.

To be honest, Tobi just reckons they need a new boiler, but that costs money. Money the school doesn't have, if they want to keep employing staff.

That's why he and all other carers hate winter so much. It costs a lot more money than summer ever will.

Anyway, Tobi approaches the trio, as Airey turns to greet him.

"Speak of the devil and he shall appear. We were just talking about you."

"Ah, I'm not that bad am I, guys? What're you talking about?"

"About how the hell you cope working in a house with those two idiots - Josh and Simon, that is." Cal is quick to confirm, seeing Tobi tense briefly at the implication of Vik or Ethan being stupid, before he relaxes.

"What, with how in love with each other they are?"

"Exactly," Sarah cuts in, "these two have been telling me all about the way the two of them talk about each other."

"I don't spend much time with Josh these days," Cal muses, "but it feels like I do, the amount Simon talks about him. It's 'Josh said this...' or 'Josh does that...', with some massive goofy smile on his face. Worst bit is, he doesn't even realise he's doing it. I could tell you so much obscure information about Josh it's insane."

"Spare us the details, Tobi probably already knows most of the weird shit about Josh." Callum (as he's known to Ethan) jokingly states, his arm looping casually around Sarah's shoulders, as she rolls her eyes, pushing him off.

"I don't really talk to either of them much, other than when Josh comes to pick up Ethan from his therapy session, but it's cute seeing them interact in the morning when they're dropping the boys off. They're totally pussyfooting around each other though."

"Tell me about it. Josh doesn't believe he's worthy of love, or that Simon thinks the sun shines out of his arse, and I don't really know what Simon's deal is. He's not homophobic, I don't think. With the way he casually flirts all the time, I don't think it's possible for him to be homophobic."

"Is Josh still not over what happened with her?"

"Nah, you know they're on good terms these days. They've been a part of each other's lives for too long for anything like that to stop them being friends. Josh has always thought he isn't good enough, or that other people deserve better. Knowing him, he thinks Simon's qualifications make him worthy of more than he can provide, like if they did end up being a thing, Simon'd end up finding something better in the long run and move on."

"But that's just not true."

"You know that as well as I do, Cal. But this is Josh we're talking about."

The four of them stand in silence for a moment, thinking about their friend and his worries. Three of them are amazed that they've known him for so long - his acquaintanceship with the most recent addition to staff of them was coming on three years, but they never realised how little faith Josh had in himself. Josh, the youngest HM the school has ever seen, the one the kids love and can have a laugh with, while he still commandeers respect, doesn't believe he can do any of that. It hurts a little bit, to be honest.  
The fourth of the quartet on the other hand, feels relieved. It's nice to let other people in on this secret that's been weighing him down, so that people don't just assume that Josh is always happy, when he so clearly isn't.

After taking a sip of her drink, Sarah pipes up. "Tobi, do you think Josh would be happier, or believe in himself more if he was with Simon? Do they just need a push in the right direction?"

"Don't force a man into a situation he's uncomfortable with." Cal reprimands, folding his arms in front of him. "I know it worked for Cal when you pretty much cornered him, but not all of us are the same."

"It wasn't like that!" Sarah and Cal call out, voices synchronised. There's no malice in either of their voices, and it's clear Cal mocks them often enough for this, so Tobi merely grins lightly, before returning to the topic.

"Honestly, Sarah? I don't know. Josh would probably end up worrying his way through it, and if he knew we'd set them up he'd think Simon was pushed into something with him against his will. He'd be happier in the long run, but I don't know if it'd have much of an impact on his self esteem. This time of year is always rough on him as well."

"I still think it's worth a try." Sarah mulls over the options, bidding farewell to both Cals, who make their way to their designated classrooms.

Tobi leans down to lift the box labelled 'Sarah's Box of Magic Tricks' to carry it towards the sensory room, holding the door open for Sarah with his foot, as she carries a box entitled 'Sarah's Box of Magic Tricks: The Sequel', Cal's spider-like red biro scrawl of 'this time it's musical' underneath.

"Yeah?" He replies, slightly resigned. If anyone was going to be set on matchmaking for a gay couple in the run up to Christmas, it was Sarah. It was practically eponymous of her aesthetic, or one of them.

"Yeah. Make sure the two of them are off shift for the staff Christmas party. I want them both there."

"Josh plans the rota. There's no doubt he's put himself on for that date, so Simon and I can go."

Sarah sighs audibly, "then tell him you've got something else going on on a different day, and switch shifts! Get Ethan's mum in on the plan, so that only one of you has to be at the house. I'm sure she'd be down, from what you've said. She seems cool."

"I don't have as close a relationship with her as Josh or Simon, but I guess I could see what she thinks." Tobi carefully places the box on the table. He'd received a lecture last time he placed it (gently, he stands by the fact he did it gently) on the floor, one that lasted about 10 minutes, and he doesn't want to face it again.

Sarah squeals, pulling Tobi into a brief hug before moving away, clasping her hands together.

"Thank you, Tobi. We're going to make a house manager with low self esteem and a gay social worker realise that it's okay for them to be in love."

Tobi turns to Sarah and he deadpans, his comment receiving a friendly slap to the arm, followed by being shooed from the room.

"Great, I can't wait."


	12. The Incident

"Just to check I've got my facts straight, I'm allowed to have him home for 4 nights at Christmas?"

"Yeah, that's right. I know you wanted more, but we have got to work up to it, you know? He'll've only been here a term, and I had to make a compromise with the school board, they only wanted him to have 3 nights at home this Christmas, which I said weren't enough."

"It feels like you're missing out something there, the school board won't come round that easily, Josh."

"..."

"Josh..."

"Okay, okay. I said I'd be on standby over the time period just in case you needed me." Josh rushes out his sentence, knowing how liable Ruth is to object. "Before you say anything, I want to. Honestly, I really struggle with the Christmas period, and it'd be nice to do something worthwhile, y'know?"

"I won't question it, but if the same thing happens at Easter Josh, I swear to God-"

"I can't make any promises, Ruth. Anyway, what dates are you thinking of having him home?"

"Let me just check my calendar..." Josh hears gentle rustling in the background. He smiles softly. It reminds him of his own mum, when she used to bustle about the house with a domestic elegance. "Is the 22nd through to Boxing Day good for you? Any house plans?"

"Nah, you're fine, we booked tickets to take the boys to see the local panto on the 21st. You said Ethan enjoys them, and we want to give Vik the full family Christmas experience at least once."

"Oh! Of course. I'll drop by with a couple of presents for him on Boxing Day."

"Ruth. You don't have to if you don't want-"

"I don't want to, I need to. The kid needs to experience some love, though I'm sure you boys have got plenty enough of it to go round, both platonic and romantic, I'm sure."

"Ruth!" Josh hisses, his face heating. He runs a hand over his face to cool it before composing himself. "What exactly do you mean by that?"

"Don't play dumb with me, sweetheart. You can see it on both of your faces, there's no need to hide it..." Ruth pauses, something clearly dawning on her, "my god, you're not actually a couple? What's stopping you? Just go for it. Tell you what, Tobi and I can take the boys out sometime and the two of you can talk thi-"

"Bye Ruth, see you on the 22nd!" Josh feels bad for putting the phone down on Ruth, but he can't handle any more attempts to get him and Simon together.

Simon deserves better, and even if Simon is interested at the moment, that doesn't mean to say it'll last. He'll realise that Josh is a mess, that he's the Christmas jumper knitted by your Nan. It may have been made with love, but it's shoddy and falling apart.  
Holy shit, he sounds like an English student. They're pretty much all pretentious and fake-deep, writing things they'll regret in 2 months, when they realise how self-entitled they sound.

But yeah, Simon'll move on, to something better, something he deserves. Josh figures it'll be easier to stomach that if he doesn't let himself have the relationship, if he doesn't let himself fall that far. He doesn't want to be the bitter ex because he doesn't want to have a negative view of Simon.

Dealing with emotions is so fucking difficult. Josh isn't fully sure he's cut out for it, so he paints that calm, collected and easygoing mask back on his face as he walks into the living room. It's him and Tobi on shift tonight, and Ethan is snuggled under a fluffy blanket enjoying the Christmas films that start playing the moment December arrives. He walks over and takes his seat beside what he assumes is Ethan's head (at the moment, his entire body is covered and curled up, so it's anybody's guess where the double-jointed limbs of Ethan Payne lie), and reaches out to tickle it.

Judging by Ethan's heartfelt laughter from under the blanket, he was right, and a hand snatches out from under the blanket to grab Josh's, and fiddle with its fingers. It warms Josh's heart, to know that he and this kid have already got such a good bond.  
He looks up at the screen in front of him, "so what are we watching?"

Tobi replies, and it's clear from his tone alone that the movie is mind-numbing. "Something called 'A Boyfriend For Christmas'." At Josh's raised eyebrow, he elaborates, "Vik chose the channel and Ethan won't let me change it. Some woman asks Santa for a boyfriend for Christmas, absolute shocker, I know, and this guy shows up on her doorstep, and they go round doing stuff together." Tobi points at the screen when the man appears.

"So it's one of those no-budget films your mum would like."

"Spot on, there." Josh laughs, thinking of the numerous amounts of times he's sat watching rubbish-y films with Tobi's mum, back in their school days, while he waited for Tobi to hurry up and get ready to go the park. Back when he didn't care, didn't have a reason to. He misses the days where everything was so simple, when you didn't break down over exam stress, emotional issues. When his Winter slumps weren't so low. Although he loves his job, a part of him wishes he was 11 years old again.

"So where's Vik at? Was thinking of taking this one down to see the Christmas lights being turned on in town, if he'd fancy it?" Before Tobi can open his mouth to respond, a muffled voice from under the blanklet responds for him.

"Vik gone bed."

"That's right, little man. Vik's gone up to bed, hasn't he?" Tobi's pride is evident in his voice, at Ethan's capability of communicating, in stilted English.

"Gone to bed." Ethan repeats, his voice at a higher register, a song-like lilt within it, as he giggles to himself.

"Ah, alright. Well, when this film's finished, I'll get Ethan all wrapped up and we can head down to see the lights. They won't be great, but you know how it is. They'll have hot chocolate and stuff like that down there."

So they watch the film, including the ending credits, of course. The ending was as predictable as a film with no budget called 'A Boyfriend For Christmas' would be, but that is kind of the point of it. Cheesy romanticism and the opportunity to live out a fantasy on screen. Josh isn't opposed to it, and he can't exactly ask for more realism - not in a film that has Santa as an actual featuring role anyway. 

After that, he takes a jovial Ethan into the hallway, keeping him still enough to bundle the boy into his coat, before he bounces out of grip again. Josh calls for Ethan to do up the Velcro on his shoes, and the boy obeys, before he takes Josh's arm and the two exit the house, calling out a farewell to Tobi.

The walk into town is amicable, Josh pointing out different things to Ethan, and Ethan repeating the word as best he can. It's unlikely he'll use them again, but the fact he's learning to associate different words with different things is reassuring. Talking keeps the cold out for both of them as well, a little bit.

When they're in town, everything still seems to be going okay. Josh doesn't have time to dwell on his SAD, and fully consider his emotional reaction to his surroundings, as he's more focused on stopping a stimming Ethan's arms from hitting passersby. They've already had a couple of dirty looks, ones that Josh has rolled his eyes about and let out a 'sorry' out of courtesy. Some people just won't understand, and there's no point even trying with them.

Josh gets Ethan to a quieter corner of the closed off road, beside what was the bakers when he was growing up. It closed down coming up 5 years ago, and still has the faded sign above the empty shop window. It's sad really, watching the places you have such good memories of close. The memory of being 5 years old, walking home from school on the cold December evenings, hand in hand with his mum, stopping in to pick up a freshly made, oven-warm cherry bun, smiling at the jolly old man over the counter is what's present in his mind as he stands there, letting Ethan get his energy out by running around him. Never letting him too far out of arm's reach.

All of a sudden, a countdown begins, the joyous faces of locals, ranging from schoolchildren to grandparents, call out, their voices synchronised, a festive drone of excitement. Ethan stops running and comes to stand beside Josh.

"Three... Two... One!"

And that's where it all goes wrong.

The town lights up, accompanied by cheering for a brief minute, before the town returns to the gentle hustle only Christmastime provides. Two minutes of excitement are over. For Ethan, however, the lights have had the opposite effect.

First comes his anxious whining noises, his arms flapping about, but there's something different about them. It's haphazard, harsh in movement, as opposed to the excitable, but clearly happy movements.

The worst offender is probably Ethan's eyes. They're glazed over, traumatised and angry, calling for help but not too sure how to receive it. From what Ruth had said about the time before Ethan was sectioned, this is seeming all too familiar. Josh snaps into action realising two things. He needs to get Ethan out of here, and sharpish, even if that means getting hurt.

"Ethan, come on mate, we've got to go."

"No." Ethan shouts, his voice strained, followed by a series of 'eee' sounds, so unfamiliar to Josh it hurts, seeing as he's become so accustomed to the happy sounds. The ones without pain.

"Ethan, please."

"No." That's when Ethan lunges, and Josh knows exactly what to do. Being attacked by a kid is never fun, but Ruth had given him direct instructions should this ever happen. Get him on the floor, hands behind his back until he stops kicking and screaming. It saves too much bruising.

Ethan, to give him credit, is a good little fighter, even in his mentally absent state. He gets a few severe pinches on Josh's stomach once the man has him pinned down with his hands behind his back. Before Josh got him to the ground, Ethan managed to get a good one on his arm, and he can feel that he's going to be bruised all the way around it for a week or so. It'll probably emerge into a bittersweet pattern of purples and yellows, like Ruth's did, all that time ago.

Josh knows they've got an audience. He regrets the fact he didn't manage to get Ethan away in time, didn't manage to save the boy the embarrassment, but these things happen. It just gives the uneducated more reason to hate the kids without full understanding of their histories, that's the problem.

From his place above Ethan on the cold stone street cobbles, Josh whispers to Ethan, just like Ruth told him to. "It's alright, it'll be over soon. We can go home and you can have some hot chocolate. You can run around your room, we'll get you in the bath and put you into bed. I'm not mad at you, okay?" Various sentiments like that, slip from his mouth, and he feels Ethan gradually begin to come round, his eyes reaching their more mellow, loving state once more, and Josh feels like crying. God, he never wants this kid to experience anything like that ever again.

He pulls him up from the ground, and into a one-armed hug as they walk away from the confused onlookers, Ethan muttering to himself.

"You're a very naughty boy, Ethan. Don't do that! Fucking waste of space." Josh's walking speed faults. He knew Ethan had a tendency to repeat what people had said to him in the past, when he was in distress, but he didn't know the kid had been treated that badly. He feels his nurturing side take over, and speaks with a wavering voice.

"Whoever told you that is an idiot, Ethan. You're one of the best men I know."


	13. Ethan's Side & An Argument

The last thing Ethan can remember is the lights. They change, setting the street submerged in darkness aglow. Normally, Ethan would consider it pretty. They're like fairy lights, delicate, warm and familiar. This time, they flipped something in his brain.

He remembers being sat in the back of a taxi, a tube of digestive biscuits in hand. An unfamiliar man sits to his right and an unknown woman drives.

He remembers looking back over his shoulder, through the glass of the window, seeing his mother sobbing on their doorstep, trying to keep a smile on her face so she could wave him away, keep him happy. She did everything to keep him happy.

He remembers the lights twinkling around the doorways of houses as he's ripped away from everything he's ever known, ever loved on the dreary afternoon of New Year's Eve.

He remembers, and that must have put his brain back in that mindset.

The next few minutes are a complete blur. Ethan's got no clue what he's doing, it's like he blacks out, transcends from his body and can't get back into it, no matter how hard he fights to. So when he comes back round again, to find himself pinned to the floor under Josh, he knows it happened again.

It's something he tried so hard to get rid of, tried to stop. Last time it happened, he got sent away from his Mum, away from the life he'd built for himself. He's lost everything he's ever loved before, and he doesn't want to do it again. He adores Josh, and doesn't want to see him hurt the same way Ethan feels like he hurt his mother - physically and emotionally. He doesn't want to lose him so quickly.

Although, Josh is doing the same thing Mum used to do when 'it' happened, he's holding him still. Gently, but firmly so that he doesn't attack anyone else, which Ethan is grateful for. He couldn't forgive himself if he hurt too many people when he couldn't get into his body. But he's also whispering to him. Telling him that it's okay, that he's not mad. He's telling him what's going on, what they can do, and it's grounding. Ethan feels like he's becoming himself again.

He's pulled up off the ground and into a hug, of sorts, and they leave. Ethan's grateful for that, as he doesn't want people staring at him after he's done that. It's embarrassing and traumatising, and he's anxious.

To an extent, Ethan's still in his headspace, repeating phrases from his childhood, or in particular from his experiences while he was sectioned.

Losing control like that feels like reliving it.

Josh tells him that he's a good man, near enough. Ethan's not too sure what it means to be a 'good man', but he's pretty sure he isn't one. Not if he's attacked Mum, if he's made her cry, physically bruised her, even if he didn't mean to.

He's glad that Josh doesn't hate him, though.  
~~~~  
When they get home, Josh helps Ethan up the stairs and into his room, and helps him to get his cold, wet clothes off. He finds him fresh clean ones, pulling out a pair of fluffy Christmas jumper patterned socks, and strokes them against Ethan's face, drawing a weak giggle from the emotionally drained boy. He unrolls them, from their ball-like shape that holds them together, before sliding them onto his feet.

Josh knows he's babying the boy a little, but the kid had just had a traumatic experience. He deserves some pampering after that, he thinks, as they return downstairs to the kitchen, where Josh prepares a hot water bottle for Ethan, whose face and side is slightly numb from the cold of the pavement, popping the kettle on to heat the water, and putting some milk in the microwave for hot chocolate, enough for Tobi to have some too.

The whole time they've been downstairs, it's been difficult to get Ethan to let go of him. He holds his hand at present, as they stand in the kitchen, waiting. Josh had made him let go so he could open the microwave and put the milk in safely, but Ethan had immediately grabbed the material of his t-shirt in hand, until Josh's were free again. It was clear he needed that reassurance, that normality, so Josh just kept being an idiot, trying to make Ethan laugh.

He starts pulling weird faces and making funny noises, which amuses Ethan for a while, until he's got the mugs of hot chocolate prepared.

"Come on, Ethan. We'll have a treat tonight. Hot chocolate in the living room. You can even sit under your blanket with it!" Josh's words make Ethan coo happily, as he trails along behind Josh, holding the material at the base of his shirt.

"Hey, guys! Already got changed, Ethan? At least it's warm. Want to watch another film before bed?" Tobi questions, and it's clear he's confused they didn't come straight in to greet him, and got Ethan changed first. It's also weird that Ethan's holding the back of Josh's shirt, and won't leave him be, and Josh knows he's got a lot of explaining to do, but right now Ethan's what matters.

Josh sets the drinks in front of them, on the coffee table, and sits down, Ethan immediately grabbing his blanket and throwing it over himself and Josh, rubbing his face against its smooth texture, embracing the comfort it provides, as he snuggles into Josh's side.

The man brings a hand to run up and down the boy's covered back, soothing him still. With one final glance from Tobi, and a mouthed "I'll explain later", the three fall into a comfortable quiet. Josh and Ethan, tired from the experiences of the day, fall asleep.  


When it gets to 10pm, Tobi wakes up Ethan, careful that they don't disturb Josh - it's a miracle that they don't, actually. The guy's got what Tobi likes to call 'mother syndrome', where he wakes up at the drop of a pin, or if he hears a noise from one of the boys, even if he's at the other end of the house. Tobi's not sure how they manage it, but he and Ethan get to the kitchen and sort out Ethan's nightly dosage (Prozac included) before heading up the stairs to get Ethan into bed.

Tobi checks that Josh is still asleep in the living room, before he heads into the office. It may be late, but he has a feeling he should call Simon, especially after seeing the beginnings of bruises forming around his arm, as it lightly stroked Ethan's back. Something happened, and they're going to get to the bottom of it.

Once Josh has woken up of course. It's his night on sleeping, and he doesn't get enough sleep as it is.  
~~~~  


Josh wakes up to the darkness of Winter, as is commonplace on December mornings, and it really doesn't serve to help his mood. He looks at the clock, and sees that it's coming up 6:30, so the sky should start fading into its navy streaks in about half an hour.  


Moving into the kitchen, he sees Simon and Tobi, sat at the table, discussing something in whispered tones. Judging by the way they immediately stop when he walks in, Josh knows they're talking about him.

Sighing, he takes a seat beside Tobi, and brings his head to rest in his hands.

"Right. Okay. I'm sorry I didn't tell you this last night, Tobi. But Ethan was more important at that time, I needed to make sure he was alright, and he wouldn't let go of me and-"

"Josh, Josh. It's okay, take your time." Tobi's comforting words are accompanied by an arm thrown across his shoulders.

"So, everything was going okay, until the lights actually turned on. Then Ethan had... well, I guess the only word for it is an episode. I tried to get him out of there, I swear, before he went for anyone, to save him the embarrassment. But we didn't make it. He went to attack me, and he got my arm," Josh gestures towards his arm, fresh markings prominent, "I remembered what Ruth said though, about getting him on the floor and holding him still, talking to him and that, so it's what I did."

"How long did it take to calm him down?"

"Well, he stopped struggling and trying to pinch me after about 15 minutes, but I'd say he was still agitated or upset until ages after we got home. He was worried about me hating him, I think. On the walk back, he said some things that were quite hard-hitting, things from his childhood, or the sectioning, I think." Josh is struggling to keep his voice even at this stage, a slight wobble to his tone as he stares at the table in front of him, fiddling with his hands.

"What did he say?" Tobi asks, his voice hushed. He's never seen Josh affected quite this badly.

"Stuff like 'you're a naughty boy, Ethan' and 'don't do that', so it was the kind of stuff Ruth said to expect, but then he goes" Josh looks around, to check neither of the boys have shown up, "'fucking waste of space'."

A sharp intake of breath is heard from both of the other men, despite Simon's silence up until that point. There's something off about the blond man, and Josh isn't too sure if he wants to find out what it is.

He's about to, though.

"Josh, if you don't mind, can we talk in the office? Tobi, you don't mind, right?"

"Not at all." Tobi states, tiredness lacing his voice.

"Uh, okay."

So Josh follows Simon through into the office, and shuts the door behind them.

"Why didn't you file this last night." It's not even a question, it's a direct statement, it sounds like Simon's disappointed. Maybe even angry.

"Ethan needed me. He wasn't going to let me go any time soon. I was intending on doing it this morning."

"Were you really, though?"

Josh's breathing faults, "are you suggesting that I would deliberately neglect to fulfil my duty of filing any and all behaviour? Do you not think I'm competent at doing my job?"

"I don't know, you tell me. Why didn't you ring Ruth?" Simon's voice gets gradually more agitated with each reply.

"Because I know that she would have wanted her son to be comforted and settled back into his usual state of mind before calling her. She wouldn't want her son in a state of distress while I called. Come on, Simon. You know that as well as I do. You want me to talk to the kid's mum, while he's clinging on to me getting besides himself over the fact he hurt her, if this happens again, yeah?" Josh can't help it, he's getting a bit sarcastic now. But who does Simon think he is, coming in here and insulting Josh's decision to put the kid first, over the legal procedures, which would eventually have been done.

"Josh, that's not what I'm saying."

"Then what are you saying? Talk to me. Stop being so cryptic about this. If you've got an issue with me, tell me. I can't work on myself if you don't."

Simon exhales heavily, "I'm just saying, you should have registered this yesterday. How the fuck could you fall asleep after something like that?"

"I'm sorry that holding a struggling 16 year old man down for quarter of an hour while he pinches at your stomach tired me out. I'm sorry that I didn't want to leave the kid alone when we got back, in case he had another meltdown. Shit, Simon, I would've thought you'd've realised by now. The kids matter more than the paperwork. They're here, in front of you, real. They need you when they need you. Paperwork can wait. But I guess that social worker side of you just can't fucking stay away." Josh can feel his confidence slipping, the longer he talks. Simon looks so angry he sort of fears being punched in the face or something.

"How fucking dare you. I care about those kids so fucking much, and I care about you. You could get into some serious shit, bruises like those'll turn out harsh, and the system'll call you up on them. You're fucking fantastic at your job, but you're a piece of shit fucking idiot as well." Josh can't help but think about the backhanded compliments being paid by Simon, and opens his mouth to retaliate, watching the flickering anger in Simon's eyes.

Josh doesn't manage to get any words out, because that's when Simon kisses him.


	14. Reconciliation & A Phone Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorted this chapter out finally!! has taken about a month of copying the sentences in line by line and adjusting them to make the paragraphs stick... sorry for the delay :)

Josh barely has time to reciprocate before Simon pulls away, he's that shocked. He's also still pretty angry, I mean, you've got this hot guy having a go at you, saying you're not doing your job properly (when you've been in the business over 6 years, he's been here less than 6 months), and just when you're about to give him a piece of your mind, he snogs the fuck out of you.

"You can't just kiss me like that to get me to shut up each time I want to speak."

"Try me."

"You're a dick."

"So you've said. Look Josh, I'm sorry. Well, actually I'm not, I've wanted to do that for a while but Jesus Christ you were pissing me off. No doubt I could've handled it better, though."

"Yeah, you definitely could've. Scared the shit out of me, to be honest, getting shirty with me like that."

"Can we have an actual conversation about this?"

"I'd like that." Josh replies, the tense atmosphere in the room cooling, though he knows he'll still be a little het up, seeing as Simon kissed him completely out of nowhere, immediately after having a go at him. He doesn't know about Simon, but to him that's not the way you start these things off. "Talk to me."

"Right, I... okay, so I'll start by saying I probably wasn't in the best of moods anyway. School board got in contact with me about another kid, getting him fostered and such - which is something I've never dealt with before. So I'm stressed out about that, then Tobi calls me up, and tells me that you and Ethan are acting weirdly, that he won't leave you alone, and what looks like the beginnings of bruises are forming on your arms."

"I'm sorry, honestly I am. I should have followed protocol, but I wanted to make sure Ethan was settled. I didn't want him to experience that again. It was scary, seeing his eyes go like that." Josh's eyes have welled up slightly, and Simon feels like a bad person. The man in front of him cares. He cares so much, and Simon's made him feel like his love for the kid is a bad thing. Moving towards him, he wraps his arms around Josh's shoulders, head lightly atop his own arm. The other man's arms come to rest around his waist, head pressed against Simon's shoulder.

"No, no it's okay. If I'd been there, if I'd seen what you'd seen I'd've done the same. I wasn't thinking straight."

"When are you ever?" Simon slaps the back of his head lightly, for that comment. "Genuinely though, I'm sorry I made that comment about you being like all the other social workers. You're not, you're the best I've ever seen", Simon's heart squeezes, "I was just pissed off at you."

"You had every right to be, I came in here and insulted your work ethic. I do wish you hadn't fallen asleep though, it would have been easier for everyone if we'd managed to get the story out of you last night." Simon moves away slightly, his hand trailing over the bruise that is announcing its presence on Josh's arm. "Shall we get this all registered? I don't think Ethan or Vik are up yet."

Josh smiles, a quick hug symbolic of their forgiveness occurs before he turns away to find one of the forms. Simon feels kind of bad that he kissed him now. Josh deserves everything, every cheesy little moment a romance has, exactly like the movies tells you it's meant to go. Not some act of impulse to get him to shut up, mid-argument, although isn't that a bit of a trope in and of itself? Even so, it's not quite the nicest way he could've gone about it, fantasies of all the different places he could've kissed Josh running through his mind.

He thinks the one where they're stood in the pouring rain, Josh laughing against his mouth as cool water slides down their faces, 3pm greyness overhead is his favourite.

Maybe the warming up, so to speak, when they get home in this daydream helps make it his favourite, he's not really sure.

But kissing his boss in their workplace before 7 o'clock in the morning during an argument definitely wasn't part of the plan, but it's happened, it's done, and he's just got to move on from it.

"Right, so I'll fill it out while you tell me what happened, yeah? Then we take a couple of pictures of the bruise for the system and we're done. Unless you want to write it by yourself."

"Still don't trust me to tell the truth, huh?"

"It's not that, Josh, honestly I-"

"I know, I know, I was joking." Simon rolls his eyes, of course Josh is the type to reference arguments as a joke less than an hour after they've occurred. What an idiot.

"I'm sorry, it's my nasty social worker side kicking in." When Josh honest-to-God snorts, Simon feels like it's all been worth it. It feels like he's getting somewhere.

Like he hasn't completely lost that chance to win Josh over, kiss him again.

"Yeah, the social worker who was giving me shit about not following protocol and proceeds to kiss me in the workplace. The irony isn't lost on me." Josh looks up from where he currently sits, scrawling across the page as to what happened with Ethan yesterday.

Simon's eyes widen, Josh isn't wrong.

"Maybe next time don't say anything stupid."

"Next time we argue, or next time we kiss? Weak comeback."

"If I wanted my come back I'd wipe it off your-"

"Shut up."

After that, the easygoing silence the two of them sometimes work in takes over, and it's nice. They don't have to talk to appreciate each other's presence. Simon's phone bleeps, and he goes to check it, switching it to silent after it makes Josh jump slightly, grinning lightly as they make eye contact.

He looks down to see a message from JJ, one of his oldest mates. It's been a while since they've last seen each other in person, but they'll talk online almost everyday. JJ does a lot of travelling with his job, and he's hardly ever in the UK any more, so messages will come whenever.

New message from GayJ: alright man how's it all...

Simon smiles, unlocking his phone to read the message.

GayJ: alright man how's it all going for you rn? talked to the hot one you work with yet 

Bimon: May or may not have kissed him this morning. After an argument, also please change my name I hate the fact you put it as this after I changed yours.

GayJ: was there hate sex 

Bimon: ffs no he's cute and I want more than that 

GayJ: jfc you're so gay 

GayJ: and seriously into this guy damn 

GayJ: but yeah sure i'll change your name lmaooo 

GayJ changed Simon's name to: SiMOANING JOSH'S NAME 

SiMOANING JOSH'S NAME: smh that's worse than the last one I hate this 

SiMOANING JOSH'S NAME: I'm calling homophobia rn you bitch 

GayJ: I hope you leave your phone laying around and Josh reads this 

GayJ: who's homophobia lmao bitch can't help you 

GayJ: whoever names their kid homophobia needs to have their kid taken away tbh and i'm calling rACISM bro 

SiMOANING JOSH'S NAME: also he won't be able to see my name will he you spanner lmao 

GayJ: shit u right 

GayJ changed Olajide's name to: HEY JOSH SIMON IS GAY FOR YOU 

SiMOANING JOSH'S NAME: bit long tho innit 

HEY JOSH SIMON IS GAY FOR YOU: shut up and go get dicked down by josh 

SiMOANING JOSH'S NAME: i wish 

HEY JOSH SIMON IS GAY FOR YOU: this is SINFUL 

SiMOANING JOSH'S NAME: cool cool 

Simon moves to close the app, when his phone flies from his hands, as Josh stands holding his phone, eyebrow raised at JJ's name. 

"I wondered what was so entertaining on there, what had you smiling that much. So this is JJ, I'm assuming?" Simon's mentioned his friend a couple of times in conversation with Josh, and it warms his heart a little to know that Josh listens to all the little details, that he remembers them. 

Simon's hand lifts to scratch the back of his neck, wondering just how much of the conversation Josh has read. 

"Don't worry, I haven't read much of the conversation, I'm not into snooping on people's phones, and you had closed the app. All I know is that someone called Simon is gay for someone called Josh, in caps, and wants to get 'dicked down' by him." 

"So the worst parts of the conversation then?" 

"Pretty much. I won't judge you though." Josh smirks. 

With a nervous intake of breath, Simon stands up. "Uh, okay, so we need to get a couple of pictures of the bruise." Josh pouts, so Simon takes his phone back from Josh's outstretched palm, getting a couple of obligatory pictures of the bruises. 

"Have you got any others you know of?" 

"I'm not really sure, but my stomach kind of hurts," with that, Josh lifts up the front of his t-shirt, looking down, "oh." 

"Yeah, oh." 

Across Josh's stomach are a collection of bruises, purple, yellow and blue, mixing together like watercolours. Despite the prettiness of them when contrasted with Josh's skin, they look like they hurt, a lot. 

"Fucking hell, man. Ethan really did a number on you, didn't he? I know he didn't mean to, but damn." 

"The kid puts up one hell of a fight." 

"Yeah, you don't say." Simon responds, snapping a couple of photos of Josh's stomach. "Let me just get these all logged onto the system, then I'll leave you to ring Ruth, yeah? I'll go get Ethan up." 

"Sounds good to me." 

So after Simon's scanned the paper into the system, added the photos and filed the actual form (even if Josh could easily have done it himself), he strokes his hand down Josh's back before leaving him to ring Ruth. 

Josh strokes a hand through his beard while he waits for Ruth to pick up. It's just gone 8 in the morning and the day has already been mental. 

"Hello?" 

"Hey Ruth, it's Josh here." 

"Oh! Everything okay?" 

"I'm going to be completely honest with you and say no. Also, I'm so, so sorry I didn't tell you this earlier. I've had an earful from Simon already over it." 

"Just tell me, hun." 

"Right, um, so I took Ethan out to see the lights come on in town last night, and the evening started out okay, but Ethan had another 'episode', as you call it."

"Oh God, did he hurt you?" 

"I won't lie, yes he did. But I know it wasn't him himself, don't worry - you know I'd never hold it against him. I signed up for the job, didn't I?" 

"Yeah, I guess you did. Where did he get you?" 

"Well, I got him on the floor like you said to, and he managed to get my stomach from that, and before I could get him to the floor he got my arm, where a pretty impressive bruise is forming. He's a strong lad." 

She laughs, sadly. "That he is. Anything else?" 

"Yeah, when he came around he wouldn't let go of me. Stayed attached like a limpet for the rest of the night. Also, on the way home he said a few troubling things, that I thought you might like to hear. Well, not like to, but might want to know." 

"I get it, Josh, don't worry. What did he say?" 

"Well, stuff I assume is normal, for when he's stressed anyway. Things like 'you're a very naughty boy, Ethan', and 'don't do that', but he also said," Josh takes a deep intake of breath. It'll never not hurt to say this, "'fucking waste of space'." 

Ruth audibly gasps, and when she speaks, it's clear she's angry. Angry and distraught. 

"Who the fuck thinks they have the audacity to speak like that to my son? Josh, I-, I can't. My poor baby. My little boy. Did you say anything to him?" 

"I told him he's one of the best men I know, which is the complete and honest truth. Then we came home and had hot chocolate, and fell asleep on the sofa, while I was forcibly cuddled by him." 

"At least he didn't try to avoid you." 

"Very true, and Ruth I hate to say this, but I think the lights made him think of you, he kept muttering 'Mummy' under his breath, before I tried to get him out of there." 

Ruth sighs, her pain evident in her tone, "I've got a couple of appointments booked for today, but I'm coming to take him out for a meal tonight. Come along as well, Josh." 

"I couldn't intrude on family time like that." 

"Ah, come on. You're pretty much family now, kid." 

Josh smiles, the woman is persistent, and welcoming. Just like his mum used to be.


	15. A Meal Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome to another collection of short sentences and dialogue, all I seem to be able to write a tad shittily lmao

Evening comes, and Josh and Ruth bundle Ethan up warm before they walk out of the door, headed to a restaurant Ruth has booked a table at.

Slipping into the passenger seat, after having made sure Ethan was suitably buckled in, Josh starts up the small talk as Ruth drives.

"Thank you for inviting me out with you, Ruth. You really didn't have to."

"Honestly, I wanted to. After all you've done for my son in such a short amount of time, you really do deserve the thanks you're getting. Also, you're one of the first people to have to... deal with Ethan when he's mid-episode, and I just thought I should thank you somehow, I suppose."

"It's in my job description. I knew what I was signing up for. There's no need - though of course I'm not saying I'm not grateful."

Conversation flows like that until they arrive. It's an Italian - Ethan's favourite. Josh holds the door open for the three of them, stepping into the inviting warmth of the building, and closing it on the harsh cold of the winter night behind them.

They are ushered to a table, and order their food relatively quickly. After all, it's a Sunday night, and at 8pm it's never too busy, seeing as the slog of the 9 until 5 cycle awaits the next day. Many can't be bothered to face the cold air when that early morning start awaits, going out in the dark, and returning in it too.

The main course goes well, and Josh and Ruth laugh when it comes to a close, Ethan seated giggling happily with the remnants of spag-bol smeared across his cheeks. Josh looks closer and - is that tomato sauce on his ears?

Ethan, between his giggles, lets out a request. "Toilet."

"You want to go to the loo? I reckon that's a good idea, mate. You've got yourself in a bit of a state there." He stands up, as does Ethan, and rests his hand on Ethan's back, ready to guide him in the direction of the gents.

Ruth looks at Josh, confused. "You don't need the key?"

"Nah, Ethan's good with using the men's at the moment. Thank you for the offer though, Ruth. We'll see you in a minute."

After Ethan's been to the toilet, and Josh is helping to get the tomato out from between his fingers and his ears (he's not quite sure how he didn't notice Ethan getting the sauce there, to be honest), he thinks about how far Ethan's come.

If Ruth was still expecting to need to use the disabled loos at all times, then Ethan's come on a lot further than he's showing his mum that he is. Josh isn't surprised. Ethan's clever, and doesn't like to do more than he has to. He's also got routines around certain people, but maybe Josh can help to break those.

They come back to sit down, ordering Ethan's dessert. Vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce, so another bathroom visit is likely in order, but that's no problem. Ethan's happy and fed, that's what matters. 

It's nice, Josh thinks, to witness a mother-son relationship like the one Ethan and Ruth have. He chose to sit opposite her, with Josh at his side, so he fiddles with her fingers across the table, and occasionally pats Josh's arm while laughing to himself. Ethan's easily amused, and in his own little world, so Ruth has no issue breaching a conversation that would be awkward for Josh with anyone else. 

"So, what happened with you and Simon?" 

"How the hell did you know?" 

"Come on, Josh. You said you had an argument with him or something? There was something off about the way you spoke when you said it, clearly something happened." 

Josh can't help but feel like Ruth is some kind of witch. She seems to know everything. 

Maybe it's just a mother's thing. 

She stares at him, until he finally caved in. 

"Fine, fine. Okay so, when Ethan's... thing happened, I didn't ring you until the following day. I was so focused on Ethan and making sure that he was okay that we both fell asleep. Tobi rang Simon while we were both flat out, and I woke up to an inquisition, or rather, a very angry Simon, after I told them what happened." 

"So what did he say?" 

"He basically insinuated that I was bad at my job." Ruth gasps, and Josh is quick to reassure her. "Or that's how I took it. I have no issue with people saying that, but he was near enough suggesting that I should have put calling you and logging it on to the system before Ethan, and I wasn't going to stand for that. I found out afterwards that he would've done the same thing." 

"Then why was he having a go at you? I'm glad you didn't ring me, my boy needs to be settled." Ruth replies, reaching out to stroke a hand down Ethan's face, as he nuzzles into it. 

"That's exactly what I told him! But the thing is, I could've sworn he was going to hit me at some stage during that. Maybe I got a bit agitated, and kept, I don't know, wordlessly talking? If that makes sense? Like I just kept saying things so he wouldn't be able to talk. It's kind of a coping mechanism, I reckon." Ruth nods. "So I'm doing that, and then he kisses me." 

"HE WHAT?" 

"I was as shocked as you are. Told him that he can't do that each time he wants me to shut up, and the situation calmed down a bit. We talked it out, and we're fine." 

"But did you talk it out?" 

"No, we didn't." 

"Josh! Honestly, he's shown you that he's interested, what are you waiting for?" 

"Him to find someone better, to be honest." 

"Josh!" 

"What? If he can only find it in himself to kiss me after insulting me, saying that I'm doing my job wrong, then what's not to say that he'll find someone better in the end, who doesn't mess up like I do?" 

"You've got to take that leap sometimes. It might not work out in the end, but at least you've had the experience. It's shaped you as a person. Sure, Ethan's dad may have gone off, been useless. But I wouldn't change anything. That terrible part of my life gave me the best thing I could ever ask for, something I'm going to be forever grateful for. Don't let life pass you by without enjoying it, without letting it shape you. If you don't, what's it actually for?" 

Josh is silenced by Ruth's reply, almost shocked. He's hasn't had anyone this passionate about his life like this in a long time, and it feels like his heat is swelling and he cares about this little family so much and fuck, does he miss his mum. It all feels like a little bit much, and he reaches out to clasp at Ruth's free hand. 

Slightly watery-eyed, he looks up from the table to make eye contact with her, and let's out a whispered "thank you." 

"Hun, you don't need to thank me for telling you something the rest of the world already knows. You deserve a chance at happiness. When the time is right, go get 'im. Now, is there any time you could potentially make a move?" 

"Well, I know Tobi, the Cals and Sarah - you know her, she's Ethan's music therapist. Yeah, Ethan, Sarah!" Josh quickly cuts out of the conversation to talk to Ethan, who's repeated Sarah's name in a high pitched tone, before returning to fiddling with Ruth's fingers. Josh turns back to Ruth, "anyway, yeah, they think they're being subtle about getting Si and I together? Like they got Tobi to change his day on shift to the day of the staff Christmas Party, and I imagine they were at some stage going to ask you about taking this one out for a meal or something. I have a feeling they're planning on some cheesy mistletoe set up, you know?" 

"Would you be opposed to that?" 

"I don't think I'd care either way, to be honest." 

"But it'd be a way to get you off your backside." 

"Ruth!" 

"What? I'm not wrong. I reckon they're onto something there. When is the staff do?" 

"16th December." 

Ruth produces a diary from inside her bag, flipping through the pages until she comes to rest on the week featuring the 18th. "Yep, I'm good to take him out that night. If it makes you feel better, once everything's sorted, call Tobi and co out on it. It'd be pretty funny, and sometimes it's nice to put people in their place? It's not always good for people to push others who aren't ready in a certain direction." 

Josh smiles. "Yeah, I might just do that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y i k e s it's been over 2 months since I last updated on here what the hell? I'm also slapbang in the middle of doing my a levels rn so I'm a mess (and there's one more chapter of actual story so I hope to god you don't end up waiting like 3 months for that tbh)

**Author's Note:**

> So, this already exists (complete) over on wattpad. I'm transferring it over to here, and updating it as I go, as the entire thing was written and posted without editing. Even so, I'm liable for slip-ups, so please let me know if you see any!


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